Missing Link
by MKRG
Summary: Daniel suffers the loss of his best friend, a woman he's joined minds with and can barely live without. When he starts to hallucinate, he wonders if his own mind is now lost along with Vala. DV.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

7 days, 23 hours, and 14 minutes. She's been gone 7 days, 23 hours, and 14 minutes. She's never gone that long… unless something is wrong. I've been trying to wrap my mind around it for 7 days, 23 hours, and 14 minutes. I know exactly what's wrong. She's gone.

I've been up for two days straight, trying to figure out a way to get her back. And now, not even my own thoughts are coherent. Dr. Lam ordered me to bed and used Teal'c and Cam to enforce her decree. But how can I sleep when she's out there somewhere, probably hurting?

As sleep begins to take its painfully slow hold, my mind relives the day I lost her.

_ "Look at this place! It's relatively well-preserved!" I'm staring at the outside of a stone structure. It's in the middle of a clearing in a tropical jungle. We just spent about two hours hacking our way through the plant-life searching for the source of the energy that the UAV detected._

_ "Don't get your pants all up in a bunch, Jackson. It's a stone building. Someone's probably home."_

_ Vala tilts her head as she studies the structure. It's only one level high, just large enough for people to stand in comfortably. The entrance is shrouded in darkness. "You think?"_

_ Something about this place screams Ancient design. I feel as though I've seen this before. I sense a weird déjà-vu feeling whenever I encounter something that I might have known about in my past life. But it could also be wishful thinking. Oma said there's no way I could remember my time as an ascended being. All I have left are feelings and an ability to read Ancient writing._

_ Teal'c is somewhere out of sight, checking the perimeter. "You two go ahead, then. Stay in radio contact. The minute you see trouble, get out," Mitchell says adamantly. Vala and I nod. He goes off to find Teal'c while the two of us venture inside._

_ We flip on the lights embedded in our P-90s, but they're woefully inadequate. We have to walk through the corridors slowly. They wind around and we keep running into walls when we don't see a bend. Vala stays silent. She's on alert for any booby-traps, especially the ones that a Goa'uld might have left behind after exploring this place._

_ It takes a good 10 minutes of slow walking before we reach some sort of grand chamber. By now the air is thin and stale, a tell-tale sign that we're underground. No way to know just how deep we are, though. I walk all over the room with my faint light, taking it in. It's quite empty._

_ Vala huffs. "Looks like it's been cleaned out, Darling." She gestures toward the stones that are positioned around the room, along its perimeter. They're about waist-height, but in shambles. Grave-robbers, maybe? Something tells me this is not an Ancient burial ground. I study the stones but there's nothing of interest there. Anything that could have been useful has been destroyed._

_ Vala stands in the center of the room, looking down at the floor. "What do you suppose this is all about?" I move closer to her. It's difficult to see in the low lighting. There's some sort of design etched into the stone floor, a series of large, overlapping rings in a seemingly random formation. It doesn't look anything more than decorative. I say so._

_ I walk back toward the entrance to see if there are any markings there that I missed. That's when the ground shakes. It's a quiet rumble, but enough to rattle us a little. I look back at Vala. She seems surprised, but otherwise okay. "Mitchell," I call onto the radio. "Did you feel that?"_

_ I only get static in return. "We might be too deep underground," I tell her. "Let's head back up."_

_ "Nothing to see here anyway," she comments glumly. When Vala takes another step toward me, the ground shakes again. It knocks her off of her feet. I have every intention of helping her up when the lights blind me. I don't know where they're coming from, but a bright light suddenly appears and disorients me._

_ "Vala?" It's so blinding that I wish for the dark to come back._

_ "Daniel, what's happening?" Her voice is calm, but she's also ready to react to something._

_ "I don't know. Follow the sound of my voice." In an instant the light dies down. I'm back in pitch black, but it pains my eyes to have to make that sudden adjustment. "Vala? You okay?" I direct my P-90 flashlight back in her direction. I step forward to where she just was. "Uhh, Vala? This isn't funny. Answer me." I'm a little irritated now._

_ "Jackson!" I hear over the radio._

_ "Go ahead, Mitchell."_

_ "We're at the entrance. What happened down there?"_

_ "Some sort of earthquake and then it must have activated the lighting system in here. It went into overdrive and blinded us. Is Vala up there with you?" It doesn't occur to me at this point that the radios are suddenly working. Later, I'll realize that we should have checked the radios when we went in. They were the first sign._

_ "Uhh, no. Thought she was with you." He sounds puzzled._

_ "I'm looking all over the chamber that we found and she's not here. Probably ran out while we were blinded. I'll head up." It doesn't take as long to reach the surface as it did to go down, partly because I know what to expect as I walk._

_ "Well?" Mitchell questioned as soon as I emerge._

_ "There's nothing down there. It was weird."_

_ "Where the hell's Vala?"_

_ I'm confused. "You mean, she didn't come out yet?" At Mitchell's negative nod, I start to get worried. "There's no other path than the one we took." I get on the radio, "Vala, what's your location?" Silence._

_ Mitchell tries it. "Vala, where are you? Respond." We look at Teal'c. He tries his radio as well, but no luck. Mitchell gestures toward me and Teal'c to get down there and search again. Even though we spend hours trying to find her, it's like she's just disappeared._

"Vala!" I yell out into the dark. My eyes are open wide, and I'm sitting up. Sweat is pouring down my brow, and my skin sticks to the sheets. I bring my palm to my forehead, pressing eagerly, trying to massage the massive headache away.

The clock tells me I've only slept for 1 hour. Great, now you're an insomniac and a failure.

"You haven't failed me, Darling," a faint voice echoes in my mind. It's her, of course. Part of her is stuck in my head. She's the only comfort now. No one in real life has the words to say. There are no words for what I'm going through. After the connection we've made to each other, she's the only one who could know what I'm going through. It's tearing me apart. I can only imagine what it must be doing to her… if she's even alive.

"Don't think like that. You know I'm a fighter. I'll stay alive long enough for you to find me, to save me. I'll stay alive long after that, too." Her words of comfort are enough to lull me into sleep, even if those words aren't real.

So I dream of the fateful day when we joined minds.

_ The mission happens sometime before Vala disappears offworld. The Tok'ra encountered a group of technologically advanced humans and sent word our way that we might be interested. We suspect, however, that they were sending us as guinea pigs in case these people didn't turn out to be so nice._

_ None of us expect what will happen. They don't appear to be very advanced at first glance. Their buildings and choice of attire are pretty typical of most planets in the galaxy. Simple. Practical. Nothing more. When we arrive to say hello, the villagers invite us to witness one of their ceremonies._

_ Two people, a man and a woman, are seated across from each other in a small room. It's decorated ornately, with red tones and soft furnishings. Between them, on a small table, is a sphere, maybe the size of my fist. It glows and Mitchell oohs and aahs appropriately. I'm not quite so impressed. Must be Mitchell's first orb._

_ The pair seated near the globe clasp their hands together and place them on top of it. Sparks, literally sparks, begin to fly. They seem to radiate up the arms of the pair, but they don't seem to notice or mind. They each take in a sudden gasp of air. The weirdest part is when they smile._

_ Then it's over. They get up and leave, looking strangely satisfied. I look at my teammates and they're just as puzzled. It looks like a harmless parlor trick to me. Vala asks bluntly, "So what was that?"_

_ "It is a friendship ceremony. Performed between two people who wish to strengthen their bond to one another. Would you like to try it?" The man's eyes sparkle._

_ Vala shrugs. She sits down in one of the seats just vacated by the pair. "Are you sure this is wise, Vala Mal Doran?"_

_ "What's a few sparks going to hurt? Come on, Muscles, care to strengthen our friendship?" She flashed him a smile._

_ Teal'c bows his head. "I have spent 50 years with you as my friend on the Odyssey, Vala Mal Doran. Our friendship is sufficiently strong."_

_ "Al right then, Mitchell?"_

_ "We bonded at my reunion remember? Didn't go so well."_

_ She sighs. "Okay, Daniel. That leaves you."_

_ "Why was I the last person you asked?"_

_ "Because I was going in order. Now sit down." I grumble a bit, but comply. I just want to get this over with so we can move on to other, more interesting things._

_ The man showing us the ceremony directs us. "Take hands." We do. "Place them above the Joining Sphere." I wonder idly why it's called that. "Relax your minds. You may close your eyes." Vala does so easily, and after a glare from Mitchell and Teal'c to play nice, I close my eyes, too. "Now open your minds to each other. Allow the Joining Sphere to guide you."_

_ "Guide us with what?" I hear Vala say. But there's something different about her voice this time. She never said that aloud. I gasp as I realize I'm hearing her thoughts. She seems to understand this, too, and takes in a breath herself. I start thinking of applications for this technology. It could be used in the field to share intel that we can't risk the enemy seeing or hearing._

_ "You think too much like a soldier. This is fun!" I can feel her smile. In fact, her mind washes over me. I sense colors - bright, warm colors wrapping around me in a pleasurable cocoon. I think I'm smiling now. This is kinda nice._

_ I test the waters, so to speak, and enter her mind. It's a maze of different sensations. The first part I detect is her playfulness. I get a sense of the joy she extracts from the world, from the novel things she finds on Earth. It transitions easily into her deeper emotions. Something tugs at my heart when I realize something. She cares about me._

_ I probably smile as much outside as much as I do inside. It's nice to know someone cares. I return the sentiment. I feel her pleasure as my mind overlaps with hers, sharing thoughts, emotions, and ideas._

_ I feel brave enough to venture further in. I hesitate, as if knocking on a door before entering, but she lets me in. I allow her past one of my walls to reciprocate. This is such a new experience, and I'm eager to learn as much as I can so I can describe this accurately to the others._

_ Sorrow. I suddenly feel sorrow. This part of her mind contains the things that make her sad. A fresh wound is Adria. The feeling nearly overwhelms me. I send my own feelings of comfort her way, hoping to help her heal. I've always worried that she's been burying that shame too deep. I feel her poking around in my mind and know exactly when she finds Sha're. I cringe slightly. I don't talk about her – to anyone. She sends me the message that she understands what I've gone through and will always be there if I need. Vala probably wouldn't even say words like that without turning it into some light joke. But her mind doesn't lie to me. And I know that she cares. It gives me a strange sense of comfort; it sets me at ease in a way._

_ "Uhh, guys?" I hear Mitchell's voice, but not in my mind so much as in my ears. "This is getting a little weird."_

_ I slowly pull away, rising up through the sky of Vala's mind and back into my own. We slowly and carefully place the bricks back into our walls and break the connection. When I open my eyes, she's looking at me with a smile. I smile back. "That was fun," I say. Mitchell gives me the strangest look._

_ The man who is attending to us speaks up. "It has been many years since I have witnessed a Joining so complete. Your friendship will now be very strong indeed."_

_ Vala stands up. "I think it was strong to begin with." She winks, but I don't really mind._

_ Over the next few days, we start to realize the side effects of this so-called "Joining." I feel even lonelier when she's not in the room with me. It's like pressure on my chest when we're apart for too long. The sensation is not quite the same as when we were linked by those damned bracelets. It's not like I'm going to pass out. But this is still disconcerting. I don't even have to discuss it with her to know that she's feeling the same thing. I can read her even better than before. When we're in each other's company it's like a high that I don't want to come down from. Vala becomes my drug. But I'm okay with that._

The alarm clock blares obnoxiously. I want to shoot it. It took Vala away from me. My hand swipes at the offending device, effectively silencing it for now. No, the alarm didn't do anything wrong. It was me. Me. All me. No one else to blame but me. God, how could I be so stupid!

I feel my eyes welling up with tears. There's no use fighting them. It's been 8 days now. I hate sleeping. When I wake up, she's been gone longer. She's further away. If I didn't have to sleep, I'd find her sooner. I'd be able to hold her in my arms. She'd be safe again.

My mind brings me to my house. Even though I know it's the dead of winter outside, my fantasy creates a world with a warm breeze and a comforting sunset. I sit out on my back porch, just watching the transition from day to night, when darkness takes over just for a little while. "This is the good kind of darkness," she comments, handing me a beer and holding one of her own.

The Vala in my mind plops down next to me in the two-seater. We sway back and forth slightly. It's a comfortable silence as we watch the stars appear in the sky. She rests her head on my shoulder, and I wrap my arm around her in response. This wouldn't happen in real life. We're not any kind of couple, but it's nice to pretend sometimes. I've been so lonely. God, I've been so lonely.

A knock on the door brings me out of my hallucination. It's Mitchell, and he sounds concerned. He seems to go away after I tell him I'll be out in a minute. Beyond that door is the absence of comfort, the strange reality that has become my ruined existence. My body and mind seem at odds. One wants to stay here in the comfort of my quarters, secretly visiting with her, the other would rather be out there looking for the real Vala. I'm not sure which one wants which. I push aside the sensation and get up. I'll find her today.

000 

The villagers seem at a loss. They haven't seen her either. This is the third planet I've visited today and still no luck. I've been to all her old haunts five times over. I've run into her old enemies and old friends. No one's seen her. It's like she fell off the face of the… well, galaxy.

Mitchell pats my back and starts heading toward the gate. Teal'c makes eye contact with me, silently offering comfort and support. I know what they're doing. They're humoring me until I give up on finding her. I can tell they think she's dead. Well, dammit, I can't give up. She's not allowed to be dead. I won't stand for it!

We return home empty-handed. General Landry isn't surprised and nods sadly to us through the glass. He doesn't even call us for a briefing. He knows we have nothing to report. Even he's given up. Whatever happened to not leaving anyone behind?

I sit at my office desk now, refusing to think of a future without my teammate. My Vala.

"Your Vala?" she responds with mock indignation. "When did I ever become _your_ Vala?" She smiles at me from across the table.

"You've always been mine. Whether I wanted to admit it or not."

"Oh?"

"You've saved me, you know. You've kept the loneliness away. Ever since Sha're died, it's been eating me alive from the inside-out. But then you came along. You're my savior," I say softly with no hesitation. Of course, I would never tell this to the real Vala. I could never say something so intimate and true out loud. Knowing privately in my mind and expressing my feelings aloud are two very different things.

"You're my savior, too." She smiles again and grabs my hands from the top of the table. "I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you."

I reach out to touch her face. So soft. My fingers stroke her cheek and entangle themselves in her rich hair. I lean in to kiss her. It's so gentle, but yet, it's so perfect. She smiles at me again, and for once, I smile back.

The smile fades almost as soon as it appears. Her image vanishes and I'm left alone… again. _I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for you_. Yeah, you're also not here _because_ of me. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Cam stands in the doorway and coughs discretely. He knows me well enough by now to know when I need time alone. But his presence tells me something's up.

"Yeah, Cam," I say despondently.

"Sam's on the line. Video feed's patched into the conference room." He doesn't order me to join him. He knows I'll go.

I try to ignore the looks of sympathy everyone keeps giving me as I walk the halls of the SGC. I hate those looks. They were sent my way after Sha're. Well this time is different. Vala's not dead.

I arrive to a full briefing room. Not only is my team and General Landry there, but also SG-3. Reynolds volunteered his team's support the other day. They've been actively searching for her too. I nod to him in appreciation. Of all people, he's the only other one who believes we can find her. Must be because of the time she saved his ass.

I stare at Sam's face on the screen. Behind her, I can see her crew busy as bees at their stations on the _General Hammond_. "We've done an orbital scan of the planet and found no traces of her subcutaneous transmitter. We're also not detecting any more energy signatures. That rules out some sort of hidden transport device."

"No moons or other planets nearby that you can check, Colonel?" Landry asks. He knows the answer to that. He must be asking on account of me.

"Negative, sir. If there were, we would check those, too."

"I hate to be the one to ask this, but wouldn't you still detect her transmitter if she was…" Reynolds didn't dare finish the sentence. I'd punch him if he did.

"Not if the body was completely destroyed." Sam doesn't realize just how much that hurts. Or maybe she's putting on her brave military face and pretending not to realize. My legs start itching to move. I need to get away from here. "But that doesn't mean she's dead. She may simply be somewhere else, and we just don't know it yet." Her words echo my thoughts. "I'm sending a team down to collect the addresses left in the DHD's buffer. If she made it off-planet somehow using the gate, we'll know."

"She would have come straight home," I say quietly. Several pairs of eyes turn to me. I stare straight at Sam. "If she could get to the gate, she would have come home on her own." My eyes lose focus.

"Dr. Jackson," Landry starts with a soft voice, "we don't know what happened yet. We have to explore all possibilities."

He's not wrong. I've been trying to do just that. I simply nod in agreement. There's no use taking out my frustrations on my colleagues. I'm surprised I've been able to keep it together this long.

"We'll keep searching, Daniel." I regain my focus and look up at Sam. She was supposed to address that comment to General Landry. It must be obvious how much Vala's disappearance affects me. Great, I'm a failure, an insomniac, _and_ obvious.

"Thanks, Sam," is all I can muster.

The meeting ends unceremoniously. I'm the first to get up and leave, a perk of being a civilian. I don't have to wait for Landry to leave first. I half-expect someone to call out my name. I'm glad when no one does.

Dr. Lam catches me in the hallway. My jaw clenches because I know what's coming. "You need to go home," she says more softly than I expect. I was ready for a fight, but her tone is disarming. "We will call you if anything comes up. I promise." She places a hand on my shoulder, her silent way of ordering me to do as she says.

A/N: I'd be glad to hear what you think. Feel free to review! Thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2  
**

I study my reflection in the mirror. My beard is growing thick again. My eyes are red, with dark bags under them. No wonder everyone's looking at me funny. I look like shit.

"I kind of like the beard, you know," she says. Her image shows up behind me. "Makes you look rugged." She plucks my glasses off my face. "There. Now you look sort of dangerous and mysterious." Vala seems to study my features with an air of admiration.

"Sort of dangerous?"

She laughs aloud. It's musical. Her pretend body walks out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I follow. I watch as she strips to get ready for bed. It's nothing sexual; actually it's more mundane… as if she's done this in my bedroom a hundred times. I slip under the covers with her and wrap my arms around her as tightly as I can. I push away the thought that this would never happen in real life.

She snuggles into me, pushing her nose into my neck. Her hand rests on my bare chest. "Daniel?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you notice the writing on the ceiling?"

I look up at my ceiling. "Huh?"

I feel her smile against me. "No, silly. On the planet. In that structure we found."

I think back. "What writing?" She doesn't answer, but kisses me on the cheek. I turn my head to look at her, but she's already gone. My arms are busy hugging a pillow. My head plops back down with a thud.

000

"We practically tore the place down looking for clues. You actually think we missed something?" Mitchell is incredulous. I can tell he's running out of patience for me. If I were him, I'd probably feel the same way. But if there's something I am good at, it's being stubborn.

"I don't know. It's just a feeling. I need to go back there, Cam. Please."

He sighs. I can guess what he's thinking. He wants to strangle me and comfort me all at the same time. His eyes give it away when he looks at me.

Teal'c finally speaks up in what seems like days. "Perhaps it would do no harm to revisit the planet again, Colonel Mitchell. Colonel Carter has yet to assign us another planet to search. She can easily inform us of our next mission from orbit."

Mitchell half-heartedly agrees. He begins to walk out of my office, but I stop him. "Thank you, Cam. I'll make it up to you."

When he turns around, I'm struck by how guilty he looks. I can tell because his expression is a mirror-image of mine. It hits me then just how much this must be hurting Cam, too. He's Vala's commanding officer for God's sake – of course he feels guilty for letting this happen. "You don't owe me anything, Jackson." And he walks away. Teal'c and I just stare at his retreating back.

000 

"You are blind, you moron," I tell myself. I'm studying the ceiling of this god-forsaken structure where Vala was last seen. There's Ancient writing all over it!

"Can you translate it, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asks from a distance.

"Probably. I need to take photos first." It's lucky that the team who last searched this place left portable lights along the perimeter. I never would have been able to take decent photos, otherwise.

"Yeah, don't want a crink in your neck," Cam says dryly. Whether that's his idea of a joke or a genuine comment I don't know.

I get the photos I need and head back to the SGC to print them out. The computer helps me piece them all together so I have one continuous image to study instead of several photos to physically line up. Technology: I love it because it makes my work easier, but I hate it because it's probably what got us into this mess in the first place.

My eyes glaze over at the sheer amount of text I must translate. "I thought you can read this stuff in the snap of a finger? What's wrong?" It doesn't surprise me anymore that Vala shows up randomly like this. Now she's leaning over my shoulder, staring at the print-outs.

"It's a dialect I'm not very familiar with."

"You mean there's more than one way to write in Ancient?"

The stupidity of that question boils my blood. I quickly shove the reaction aside. There are no stupid questions, remember? I notice how easy it is to tolerate her now. She doesn't annoy me the way she used to. And Vala's not really here, anyway.

Pretend Vala shoves my chair back so she has room to park her ass on my lap. My instinct is to object, but she silences me by putting a finger to my lips. A smile graces her features. I sigh and acquiesce. With one arm around her and one on the table, I get to work.

000 

Something is shaking me. Someone's calling my name. "Jackson, get up." I'd recognize that Southern drawl anywhere.

"Go away," I say sleepily.

"Dude, go to bed. You really will get a nasty crink in your neck sleeping here."

That wakes me up a little more. I raise my head off the very uncomfortable table in my office. Then my neck cracks. We both cringe at the sound. My hand automatically goes to my neck to rub the soreness away. It's the same hand that was stroking Vala's back not too long ago. No wait, that wasn't real.

Mitchell grabs my other arm and hauls me up. I glance down at my work. "Any progress?" he asks.

"Not yet. There's a lot to translate here. Then there's the matter of understanding it."

"Yeah…" he says, not really knowing how to respond. He gives me a nudge toward the door and turns the lights off after me. "Goodnight, Daniel."

I wave an arm at him as I walk to my quarters. I feel her head rest on my shoulder as we walk. This seems so normal. She yawns and slips her card into the reader. The door clicks open and we enter together. As we settle into bed, she asks me another question.

"How long has it been?"

"Since what?" I say sleepily.

"Since you've last seen me?"

My response is automatic. "10 days, 14 hours, and…"

"Any progress on the translations?"

"No. Are you trying to remind me of how bad this is going?" I ask, irritated.

She kisses me instead of saying anything. This isn't one of those lazy kisses we share in my mind from time to time. It's intense and it feels real. Dammit, I wish this were real. She maneuvers herself on top of me. My hands automatically go to her hips and hold on tight. Then we make love for the first time.

000 

"Dr. Jackson, please proceed," Landry orders.

I sigh. No one in this briefing room is going to like what I'm about to say. After 2 whole days of nonstop translating, all I can come up with is gibberish. I don't even bother to preface my point with an explanation of the processes by which I arrived at my conclusion. I can blame Vala for forcing me to realize how much I do that. _Get to the point sometime today_, she'd say.

"Unfortunately, this translation has gotten me… us… nowhere. It's complete and absolute gibberish. Nonsense text."

They're stunned. By this point, with no other leads or clues, we all expected to find some miracle answer within the text. It usually goes that way, right? Perhaps our luck has just run out.

"Are you sure?" the General asks.

"Yes."

Landry looks to Mitchell. "Colonel, any other leads?"

The expression on his face is the mask of a hardened soldier. But on the inside, we all know he's cracking. "None, sir." He looks down as soon as he says it.

For the first time, Landry shows a hint of distress. He rubs a shaky hand over his face. It's very uncharacteristic of him during a briefing. If I wasn't so screwed up myself, I'd try to offer him words of comfort.

"Well, isn't this a fun party," Vala comments sarcastically. She's suddenly sitting in the empty seat next to Mitchell and across from me. She rests her chin on her hand. All I can do is stare at her.

"I'm afraid that if we have no other leads as to Vala's disappearance, then we're going to have to close this investigation," Landry says.

Cam, Teal'c, and I are hardly surprised. We all knew this was coming. It's been nearly two weeks since she vanished. However, Vala gets irritated. "Excuse me? Close this investigation? What ever happened to 'not leaving anyone behind'!" Okay, she's pissed.

Landry seems to give us a moment to protest. In fact, he's waiting for one of us to give him a reason to keep the investigation running. He quietly taps his fingers on the table, another uncharacteristic move, as he stares at each of us in turn.

"Of course the Ancient writing makes no sense!" She looks me straight in the eyes. "Haven't you realized yet that it must be in code?" Images flash in my mind of that first tablet she brought me years ago.

"There's no way…" I start to argue, but then I stop. No one in the room actually hears me speak to her; this part is all in my head. "It can't be," I tell her, half-realizing the possibility.

"Oh, but it can." Her eyes are smoking with determination.

"It's in code," I blurt out to my colleagues.

"Jackson?" Mitchell asks.

"The Ancient writing. It must be in code. That's why it looks like nonsense."

"You sure it's not just some sham writing somebody cooked up to _look_ like Ancient?"

"Yes, I wondered that myself," Landry adds.

"I… I…" I hesitate. Vala makes an impatient circling motion with her hands to make me go on. "I believe there is too much consistency within the text to simply conclude that it's gibberish."

"But you just said…"

"Forget what I said," I interject hurriedly. "Now that I'm thinking about it," I look to Vala for confirmation, "it makes sense. Well, it doesn't make sense in the sense that we can make sense of the text at first glance, but…"

"Okay," Mitchell interrupts, "now _you're_ not making sense."

"Dr. Jackson," Landry warns.

"Uh… there's grammar in there somewhere. There's a pattern to the gibberish, which offers up the possibility that it isn't gibberish at all, but in fact a code." I wonder if anything that just came out of my mouth was intelligible. Vala seems to smack her forehead, but I'm trying not to focus on her just now.

"How much time will you need to break the code?" the General asks.

A blank look crosses my face. God, I have no idea. I realize now that I just came up with a lame excuse to extend the investigation. There may be nothing more to the text than what I already concluded.

"Oh, just pick a number!" Vala yells.

"48 hours," I reply to Landry.

Both Vala and Mitchell look at me funny. Interestingly enough, they both say, "That's it?" simultaneously.

"Good enough for me. Dismissed." As Landry rises, Mitchell does the same. The General quickly retreats to his office and closes the door behind him. Teal'c studies me.

What have I just done? I am asking myself to do the impossible – find a hidden code in some lame, fake Ancient text – all because a figment of my imagination told me so! Vala, now invisible, seems to huff at my characterization of her as imaginary.

"Daniel Jackson, do you believe you will be able to translate the text?" And like always, my favorite Jaffa sees right through me.

I run a hand through my hair, the worry evident on my face. Mitchell speaks before I can answer. "I don't want to know the answer to that question. Do what you can, Jackson." He makes his way down the stairs toward the Control Room. Teal'c chooses that moment to stand. He clasps his hands behind his back and bids me good day with a nod. I catch his eye twitch, a sign that he, too, is unnerved.

000

My 48-hour time limit expires without fanfare. "Dammit, there is no code."

Vala's stern look tells me she's tired of arguing but won't change her mind. With arms crossed, she stares me down from across the work table. I'm ready to give up on this text, but of all people, Vala won't let me. If this were some other translation for some other purpose, she'd be dragging me away from here in a heartbeat.

I never thought I'd miss that.

I lose the face-off eventually. I sink back down into my chair and drop my head into my hands. I groan out loud, frustrated beyond belief.

"That bad, huh?" a familiar voice sounds from the doorway.  
I look up, surprised to hear it. "McKay?"

"Daniel." Without invitation, he strolls in and occupies Vala's stool. If she were here to protest, I'm sure McKay would get an earful. I notice that her image has vacated the room temporarily. It's a relief.

"What are you doing here?"

"Checking up on you. I heard you lost your… um… teammate."

He was about to say _girl_. I could feel it. "I'm… _We're_ going to find her," I say sternly, channeling Vala's energy from the moment before.

Something akin to pity crosses Rodney's face. "I know you will," he responds with confidence. "Look, I'm on leave from Atlantis, and I figured I could take a look at some of that Ancient text I heard you were having trouble with…"

"I'm not having any trouble," I mutter. I hear Vala scoff in my head.

He holds up his hands in surrender. "Whoa, yeah, I know. The whole code thing not really being there and all."

"How'd you know about that?"

"Sam."

"Oh."

Vala appears at my side. She's glaring at McKay for stealing her seat, but also considering him. "You know, Daniel," she whispers in my ear, "perhaps a new set of eyes wouldn't hurt." I turn to look at her (mentally, of course) then at McKay.

"So, you want to look at this?" I ask slowly, checking to see if this is really why Rodney's here.

"Sure." So I hand him the printed photo of the Ancient text and sit back, not expecting much. He studies it for a moment, then a variety of expressions start cycling through his face. Each one seems to reflect a complex thought process that I could care less to know about. I drop my chin to my chest, exhausted.

"Oh my god," he says quietly.

"What," I say, somewhat uninterested.

Without responding, McKay gets up and starts spattering technobabble faster than the lightning bolt that hit me last year. This gets my attention. Before I know it, he's walking out of my office, with the Ancient text in his possession. "Hey!"

I run after him all the way to Sam's old lab. He enters without regard to whose lab this is. It's always baffled me how _un_aware McKay can be of people's personal spaces. The scientist boots up one of her computers, and I notice it's the bigger one with more computing power. "What are you doing, Rodney?" I demand.

"If I'm right, this could be important. Just," he waves a hand at me, "give me a second to check."

I'm afraid to get my hopes up. What are the chances of McKay waltzing in here and solving a problem I've been trying to figure out for two weeks? He's not even _that_ fluent in Ancient. Granted, he knows a lot about Ancient systems and reading their language is a requirement of deciphering their technology, but…

Once the computer signals that it's ready for input, he begins typing furiously. His eyes dart back and forth between the text and the screen. He bites his lip in concentration. This goes on for another minute, then I decide to pull a stool over and sit down. Whatever this is, it better be good.

A few more minutes of him checking and typing, checking and typing, and on and on. Eventually, he stops and stands back. Shock and awe are evident in his expression. "Jackson, this… this is big." He says it so quietly I almost don't hear him.

"What?" A few seconds pass in silence. I stand up. "What!?"

"This is technical code for an Ancient time machine."

My face must be blank for a few seconds because McKay starts waving a hand in front of my face. When I get over the shock, I look straight at him. "What kind of time machine?"

He seems surprised by my question. "The kind that transports you through time, obviously!" He throws his hands up in the air. Well, of course. Silly question.

"What does this mean, McKay?" I shut my eyes, not sure I really want to know.

"You haven't been able to find Vala because she's nowhere to be found. It's not a question of _where_, but of _when_!"

"When."

"Yes."

Something comes over me at that very moment. Like an animal rage that's been brewing inside me, waiting to claw its way out. I knock down the first thing I find on the table. It crashes loudly to the floor. McKay jumps and steps back, a little frightened. I don't mean to scare him, but this… God, he's right. This _is_ big. I clutch the sides of my head.

"McKay," I say as evenly as possible through my ragged breaths.

"Yeah?"

"Can you figure out 'when' she went?" I look up, imploring him to have the answer.

He looks at me first, then at the screen. "I'm gonna try. You hold on, Daniel." He places a firm hand on my shoulder and pushes me back down to the stool. I don't resist because I'm too busy trying to process what I've just learned. My mind is swimming in circles at the implications of this.

_The text looks like gibberish to you, but it's a goldmine for a tech geek like McKay. If Sam were just here, she would have… no, stop thinking in what-ifs. Just thank some God out there that McKay figured this out. Holy shit, she's stuck in another time. Who knows how far she's traveled or what kind of danger she's in? Or even if she understands what just happened?_

I can't handle this possibility. My mind is not prepared for it. I expect her to be missing on some planet in the galaxy, possibly with memory loss to explain why she hasn't come home of her own accord. I expect to find her in some sorry state, take her home, and nurse her back to health. But this… I just can't fathom what could possibly be happening to Vala now.

"Daniel," McKay starts.

"Yes!" I jump.

"I'm gonna need Sam on this one." Without another word, I run to the phone on the wall and dial for General Landry. It strikes me then, while I'm waiting for him to pick up, that time is not on my side. Never before has that expression rung more true than now.

A/N: Thanks for reading. Feel free to review!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It takes time before Sam can get home. Even at maximum speed and with the fewest stops, I have to wait three more agonizing days. Between errands and functions to attend, McKay kept at it while we were waiting. Woolsey even extended his Earth-leave to help with this.

Now both Sam and Rodney are leaning over the screen while I sit and fidget. I feel so useless sitting here. I try not to blame myself for failing to see what Vala had been trying to tell me all along. The text is a code, machine code to be exact. I tune out the sound of my colleagues arguing. Everything they've said in the past hour is way over my head.

Mitchell stopped bringing me coffee hours ago. While I'm nowhere near my limit, he mumbled something about a fidgety me and caffeine being a bad mix. Teal'c has checked in from time to time, but with no progress to report he seems to have stopped coming. I trust McKay and Sam to figure this out, but I need to be here when they do. I'm ready to jump through the gate and fix this so I can get my Vala back.

Before I know it, the two eggheads are calling it a night, with very little to show for their long hours in front of the computer. I almost argue with them, but Dr. Lam chooses that exact moment to show up and order me to bed. If I didn't know better, I'd say she's acting like my mother. But I'm not stupid enough to say that out loud.

As I lay awake in bed that night, different scenarios run through my head. If she got transported to the past, how far back? If not too far, maybe she left a clue somewhere for me to find. But if it's centuries, or worse, thousands of years back, then she's in trouble. There could be Goa'uld on the planet at that time. Ancient technology has always been a magnet for them. There's no telling what they'll do to her if they find out where she's from. The timeline could be changed. Has it already been changed?

These strange questions worsen the headache that's been with me all along. I fall into a numb sleep, wondering where imaginary-Vala was all day.

000

I survey the table as General Landry settles into his chair. Mitchell, Teal'c and Sam are here. So is McKay. Maybe there's news?

Sam begins with, "We've made some progress with the translation."

"Please tell me it's news we can use," Mitchell says. McKay scrunches his face in hesitation. He and Sam share a look. Uh oh, that can't be good.

"Well," she continues, "that all depends. Based on the data we were able to collect from past logs and the information about the device that we have available, we determined that it only operates at certain points in the planet's orbit."

McKay interjects, "You see, the planet is part of a binary star system. It has two unique suns that affect it in varying ways. When the planet is closer to the smaller star, we get conditions not unlike what we experience here on Earth."

Sam went on, "But when the planet's orbit takes it closer to the larger sun, things change. The electromagnetic energy generated by the proximity…"

"Colonel Carter, as much as I value the background information you and Dr. McKay are providing us with, please get to the point," Landry says as politely as possible. I secretly thank him. I don't know if I can take anymore technobabble, and I've been doing this for 11 years.

"Uhh, yes, sir. The device can only be activated once every 3 years. We just passed the most recent window of opportunity." I furrow my brow. That sounds bad.

"And?" Landry insists.

"We also figured out 'when' it sent Vala Mal Doran," McKay answers.

Sam bites her lip. Oh shit, this isn't good. "She got pushed forward about 10 years, sir."

Everyone just stops, trying to take in this new set of facts.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

"Sam?" My voice sounds smaller than I expect it to. I realize my hands are trembling. "Can we get her back?"

She hesistates. It feels like hours before she finally answers. "We're going to do everything we can." My heart sinks. That's not a solid yes. "One of the biggest problems right now is that there is no interface for us to work with. All of the consoles are destroyed. We have no way of interacting with the machine's systems and telling it what we want it to do." Sam grimaces, then continues. "I don't know whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, but we won't be able to use that device for another 3 years. It gives us time to create an interface but then it also means we have to wait before getting Vala back."

My vision blurs. "It's a bad thing, Sam. Definitely a bad thing," I mumble.

Everyone is upset in their own way. Mitchell's barely holding it together. McKay looks guilty. Sam's eyes are watering. Teal'c is sitting there looking about as troubled as a Jaffa can look. Then Landry sighs. "What do you suggest be done now?" The General directed that question to the entire table.

No one has a response.

000

"Darling? What's wrong?" She cuddles into me while I lay in bed at home.

I turn toward her. "Where have you been?" I demand, ignoring her question.  
"Oh, I took a little break. Once McKay showed up, and then Sam, you didn't need me."

I'm incredulous at this point. "Didn't need… Vala, I do need you. Don't ever forget that." I hug her close and kiss her lightly. "You can't leave me. Not after…"

She puts a finger up to my lips and silences me. "I know."

I don't know how I'm going to handle waiting 3 years to hold the real Vala in my arms. I know that the one who keeps popping in from time to time isn't real. It's all in my head. I find that I have to remind myself of that more and more.

Am I finally going crazy?

000000

It's been a month. Dr. Lam keeps pestering me to make sure I sleep enough and that I take care of myself. I guess now that Vala's gone, she's taken those duties upon herself. I never realized how well Vala actually maintained my sanity when she was still here. All that time, I would have sworn she drove me crazy instead. But now, Dr. Lam keeps giving me this look that I can't decipher. As if she's trying to figure me out. I tell her that I'm fine, but it's not good enough.  
And it's a lie. I miss Vala. I'm not okay. But I can't go back to that freakish padded cell with the people in uniform shooting me up with drugs I can't pronounce. That was hell, even if I can't remember it clearly. I've got to act normal. Think normal. Be normal. All I need is that little bit of hope.

I'll see Vala again someday. She won't even age a bit. By the time I catch up with her location in time or bring her back before then, she'll think that this just happened. She won't have the chance to get caught or hurt or worse. Nope.

000

Carolyn is sitting across from me in the commissary. She's giving me another one of those looks and it's been getting on my nerves. She doesn't even pretend to keep me company anymore, evidenced by her lack of food. The woman just sits there and analyzes me all day long.

"What," I say crossly as I look down to my bowl of cereal. She just furrows her brows at me more. "Would you stop looking at me like that?"

"I think you need to see Dr. McKenzie," she says simply. It's not a suggestion. I've known Carolyn Lam long enough to know that she gets her authoritative personality from her father.

"I'm not talking to that whack-job again," I mutter. He had the audacity to suggest that I forget about Vala for a while. _Forget._ I asked him if he was the nut-job in the room, not me.

"Then talk to someone else," she replies matter-of-factly.

"I'm talking to you."

"You know what I mean."

I just take another bite of cereal. I concentrate on the sounds of my munching so I can better ignore Carolyn. My hand is gripping the spoon so hard my knuckles are turning white. She lays a hand over mine, as if sensing the tension.

"Daniel, I'm worried about you. You haven't been yourself. And don't tell me you're fine, because I know you're not."

I really have nothing to say to that. It's been three months since Vala's disappearance. Everyone else moved on once they understood that she'd be back in a couple of years. Even Mitchell found a way to cope. But me? Ha. I'm far from okay and I've given up trying to hide it.

"Baby, maybe you should talk to someone," Vala mumbles. She's suddenly next to me, spoon in hand, cereal on the table. "You are looking a little… well…" She doesn't have to say it out loud because I can hear her finish her thought. She thinks I look like crap. I don't disagree with her.

Carolyn goes on, unaware that my imaginary friend has just reappeared. "This is starting to affect your work."

"I've never been more productive, Carolyn. Every translation they ask me to do is completed in a timely manner."

"I'm not talking about your desk duties. Mitchell thinks you're becoming a liability in the field."

This comment really sets me off. I struggle with myself to maintain control and prevent an outburst I'll regret later. I shut my eyes, feeling my face turning red. Vala cooes at me and rubs my back, trying in her own way to calm me down. I settle for leaving. Abruptly, I get up, the chair making a scraping noise as it's shoved behind me. The low murmurs of the commissary seem to stop.

Before I can respond to Carolyn's hearsay, she stands herself. Calm as ever, she says, "Come with me." She walks out all business-like, and here's Vala practically pushing me out the door to follow her.

I ball my hands into fists at my sides in an effort to control my irritation. I blindly follow Carolyn through a maze of hallways and onto an elevator. I figure she's dragging me to the infirmary where she can run a battery of tests to prove that I'm not fit for duty.

But then I realize that the elevator is going up, not down. I look at her, but she keeps her gaze focused straight ahead. When the doors open, we're at the surface. "What is this," I mutter as we get off.

"Your vacation," a familiar voice sounds off. Carolyn moves forward to meet with the curious figure who's holding a duffle bag.

"General O'Neill," she says, extending a hand.

"Doc."  
"Jack?" I am only mildly surprised. Vala, on the other hand, is rubbing her hands together in delight. She has always liked Jack. They share a common interest in driving me crazy.

"Daniel, you're officially being removed from active duty," he says.

I ground my teeth together. I shoot a look of betrayal toward Carolyn. She doesn't even flinch. "On what grounds?" I demand.

"On the grounds that you're no longer yourself." I'm about to argue, but he moves forward to stop me. "Don't even try it. This order comes from the highest authority."

"Let me guess. You."

"Yup."

I turn to Carolyn. "Isn't taking me _away_ from my work going to be detrimental to my mental health? Wouldn't it make more sense to let me keep busy while we wait for…"

"Daniel." His tone is what really stops me. Normally I would go on with my colorful argument, but not this time. Everything gets packed into that one little word. _There's no guarantee of _when_ she'll be back. You need to move on, not wait._

Carolyn also adds her two cents, as if she hasn't been doing that enough lately. "We tried to let you bury yourself in work because we knew it's what you wanted. All that has done is make you more wired. Time for another intervention."

"You and me are heading up to the cabin for some R&R. Teal'c's gonna stop by in a couple of days. It'll be fun. We can fish." Jack's eyes light up at that. I drop my head to my chest, frustrated beyond belief, but not sure how to talk my way out of this situation. Surely, Vala would have been able to get out of this if she wanted.

"But I don't want to," the figment of my imagination comments. "It's Jack! This will be fun." I groan, both to her and to Jack. He manages to drag me away to his truck, and I swear I can hear Carolyn sighing in relief.

We spend most of the drive in silence. I am unsurprised to find that Jack already broke into my house and packed a bag for me. So much for going home and weezling my way out of this. Jack looks over at me from time to time. The look on his face unnerves me because it is too much like the one Carolyn and Mitchell and Landry and Sam and Teal'c and everybody else in the whole world gives me.

When the hours finally pass and we arrive at Jack's cabin, it looks exactly the same as it always has. I'm not really impressed, but I sense my imaginary-Vala is. She hops out of the car and starts running around the perimeter to check out the property. Jack is oblivious to her excitement, only seeing my grumpy self slowly getting out of the car.

We settle in. He grabs a few cold ones from the fridge and we sit on the couch. "So," he starts.

I don't really look at him. "So."

"What's new?"

"I've just been kidnapped against my will."

He raises a hand to his chest as if he's insulted. "This isn't kidnapping, Dannyboy. It's therapy."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "I'm not sure you're certified to be any kind of shrink. In fact, I know you're not."

"Ah. What do you know," he mutters as he gets up to grab a bag of chips.

"Lots," I mutter back.

He returns and proceeds to dump an inordinate amount of chips into a bowl. We'll never eat all those, but I hold my comment about most of the chips going stale. Vala digs in, munching away happily next to me. She's practically bouncing in her seat, excited by the change in scenery.

Jack can tell his brand of therapy is thus far ineffective. "Look, just sit back, relax, drink up, and get your mind off everything. We can put the game on. Here." He grabs the remote and turns on the television. The box is already tuned to a hockey game.

I let out a breath. It looks like I'll be here longer than I want, so I might as well try his therapy. Now that my work's been taken away from me, I really don't have much else to do. Vala and I sit back on the couch while Jack lounges in his armchair. She curls into my arms, meanwhile having stolen her own imaginary bowl of chips to sit in her lap.

The game turns out to be interesting, to her at least. She pesters me constantly with questions that I can't always answer because I'm not the world's leading expert on hockey. Jack would know, but then again, Vala's not really here to ask him. And I sure as hell won't ask for her.

I think I fool Jack into thinking that I get my mind off things during the game. I reacted to it at the right times and in the right ways. We were both cheering at the end. But just because I spare some attention for hockey doesn't mean that Vala's off my mind. The fact that she's sitting on my lap eating chips while we watch the game is proof enough. What I wouldn't give for this scene to be real and not just in my head.

After the game, some knucklehead sports anchors come on to analyze the game. Jack listens for a bit then loses interest. He complains that he doesn't need some crock on the TV to tell him how the game was won. He just watched it himself. Vala concurs, even though she's still confused about all the rules.

I grab the remote and browse through the channels, all ten of them. "Would it kill you to get cable?" I yell at him in the kitchen. He's busy rustling up some dinner to throw on the grill outside.

"Daniel, did you see how far off the road this place is? Isn't a wire long enough to reach out here."

"It's called satellite."

Jack steps out of the kitchen to address me directly. "The last thing I need here is another gizmo for Carter to get her hands on. She'd turn it into some wacky transmitter and make calls to one of our ships in orbit."

This comment intrigues me. "I take it you already know how Sam would react to being kidnapped…" I cough. "I mean, brought here for therapy." Jack blinks. He doesn't say anything. "Ha! You've done this before! To Sam!"

Vala perks up. "Sam's been here? Alone with General Jack?" A naughty expression crosses her face. I pick up on Vala's innuendo.

"What have _you_ been up to Jack?"

"Ay," he points at me with his half-empty bottle, "you know how she gets. She's a work-a-holic just like you."

"And like the kind General you are, you took it upon yourself to make sure she gets adequate R&R," I tease. "Oh I get it." Vala giggles. We high-five.

"There isn't anything for you to _get_, Daniel, 'cept for a couple more bottles of beer. Come on, we're grilling some steaks."

"Burnt beer-soaked steaks. Sounds delicious."

"That's because it is," Jack says delightedly as he steps out with the food and supplies.

000

He thinks I'm still asleep on the couch. I just keep my eyes shut as I eavesdrop on his phone conversation with someone from the SGC. I can't figure out who it is yet.

"It's worse than I thought." Jack lets out a breath. "Yeah, I know. But I can't keep him caged up here like an animal for long. If he's anything like that space pirate girlfriend of his, he'll break out of jail soon." He pauses as he listens to the other person's response. "Letting him go home alone is the last thing he needs right now."

I get a little irritated. Everyone else seems to know what's best for me these days. As if I'm some child who can't make my own decisions. Ridiculous.

"Daniel," Vala whispers as she cuddles up to me on the couch, "who's he talking to?"

"I don't know. Trying to figure that out."

Soon Jack ends the conversation and walks away. I hear him take a step outside. I crack my eyes open and turn my head to confirm it. He's out on the porch with a beer in his hand, looking up at the stars. Probably plotting ways to make me feel better.

"Or thinking of Sam," Vala suggests.

"That too," I respond.

I'm trapped there at the cabin a few more days before Jack finally decides to turn me loose. Teal'c couldn't make it, something about a problem offworld, and I'm itching to get back. That's when I decide to let Jack in on my decision.

000

"You're sure about this… Daniel?" It's funny hearing my first name come out of Landry's mouth. The fact that he's saying it at all shows just how concerned he is. I simply nod an affirmative.

Landry turns to look at Jack, who's sitting next to me in his office. "What do you say, Jack?"

"It's not my decision, Hank. Daniel's made up his mind, and barring any life-threatening galactic emergencies, he's got every right to do it." Jack seems to shift in his chair uncomfortably. I can tell he hates this idea just as much as General Landry. But as my best friend, he can't object to my ultimate wishes. My sanity is at stake here.

It took me the entire car ride back to Colorado Springs to convince him of that. We argued, or rather, _he_ argued with me the whole time. When he finally caught the hint that I wouldn't change my mind or even bother to argue back, Jack acquiesced. He even agreed to provide me with provisions.

"This is your home, Dr. Jackson. I'm finding it hard to believe that you'd just up and leave it."

"Sir, with all due respect, I've done it before. I can do it again."

Landry sighs. It's a long-winded, sad kind of sigh. Perhaps he'll miss me. Then again, I doubt that very much considering the looks he and the others have been giving me these past months. "Where will you go?"

"I'm thinking of looking up some of our Tok'ra friends. Or maybe some Jaffa allies."

"Just don't let 'em put a snake in your head." Jack shudders.

I turn to him and smile slightly. "Wouldn't dream of it."

She's sitting next to me suddenly. Magically, a third chair has appeared before Landry's desk and she's occupying it. "Go to the planet." I don't even bother to ask what planet. She's in my head and we both know exactly which planet she's referring to.

"Why?" I say to her in my mind. I use my emotions to convey just how futile that sounds.

"Just… because. I have a feeling."

"Vala, you're not real. Your feelings aren't real. Your gut instincts aren't real." I say it nonchalantly but I'm surprised at the way it sounds. It's harsh. I can't feel sorry for a figment of my imagination, though. It's the only way I'll stay sane.

Her look of hurt is unmistakable. It's like I've taken a knife and slashed her with it. I immediately regret what I've said, or thought, or whatever. I sigh inwardly. "I'm sorry," I say.

The tears welling up in her eyes seem to stop. I keep my hands still, worried that my urge to comfort her will translate into actual movement in the real world. "Baby, just go to the planet," she insists again.

"Actually," I say out loud to the real people in the room, "I do have one address in mind." When I share it with them they both look at me like I've grown three heads and six arms. Out of concern for my well-being and out of curiosity, Jack demands to go with me. To see me off, he explains. Fine, if that's what he needs before we part. What I need is to satisfy this irrational impulse to go back to the planet where I last saw the real Vala. To where all this pain began.

_Don't let the sun go down on me  
__Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see  
__I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free  
__But losing everything is like the sun going down on me_

_-George Michael_

A/N: I used to hear this song all the time in the 80s and 90s. It's incredible how much of it just came back suddenly. The chorus seemed perfect for what Daniel's dealing with. Eh? What do you think?


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_Approximately 10 years in the future_

I'm waiting to die.

Water drips nearby, collecting in a muddy pool at the corner of my cell. It rained yesterday, and the runoff is still invading my secure little space. The mold in my personal corner of hell is having a field day. Allergies that I once had under control threaten to suffocate me before my captors can.

I've lost count of how many weeks or months I've been here. It never mattered in the first place. The point is that I will never get my chance to see her again. As soon as I was taken, the opportunity was crushed under the weight of insurmountable odds. No one will come for me. My friends are all gone.

The one friend I have left will never see me again. She'll wake up to a new world, one more dangerous than the one she left behind. She won't realize how far she's traveled until it's too late or never at all. I push away these thoughts. Vala Mal Doran has haunted my mind since the day she left. To forget her is madness. To remember is pain. I prefer insanity over pain. These will probably be the last lucid thoughts before they come for me.

I slip into my usual numbness – the comfort I've harbored for years now. I let my mind wander aimlessly…

_War. It came without warning. There was no way to foresee what they would have done to our galaxy. Nothing in the Ancient texts hinted at their existence. They came and conquered. It was that simple. It was less of a war and more of a hostile takeover that we were unprepared to fend off. I use the term "we" to mean anyone native to this galaxy, our beloved Milky Way that now lies in ruins. There was no longer a "we" that meant me and SG-1. That had dissolved long before the war._

_ I still don't know who they are. I might have learned. The SGC came looking for me, asking for help with a diplomatic mission. Said I would be valuable to the negotiations. But how could they come crawling back on their hands and knees when they had abandoned me long ago? They were the ones who gave up on Vala. They were the ones who pushed efforts to figure out the device aside. The three year mark passed, and passed again. She never materialized. They promised not to leave anyone behind._

_They lied. So I refused their request._

_ I blame the next generation of leaders that had forgotten our contributions or never bothered to acknowledge them in the first place. None of them had met Vala, had known her value to Earth. She was just a name on a page. Her alien origin and shady past reduced her status even further, as if she had never existed. I severed my ties to Earth then. It wasn't until a few years into the bloody conflict that I learned all of my teammates had been killed. In separate incidents. Some dead longer than others._

_ It might have hurt more… but I was already dead inside. The only reason I remained alive physically was to see her again at the 10-year mark. I traveled. Made friends. Lived in hundreds of villages before the need to move on became too great. I occupied my mind with discoveries of ancient cultures and long-dead peoples. In the tenth year, I set up camp on that blasted planet and waited._

_ I ignored the war raging around me. Didn't want to know the carnage that had befallen so many of Earth's allies. The part of me that would have risen up to fight was gone. My single purpose in life was to see her again. I would hide her away and keep her safe. Something that I trusted no one else to do._

_ When they came in their big, bad ships to the planet, my mission was ruined. They found me near the gate and promptly took custody of me. I struggled, kicked, and screamed, but my protests were ignored. I was thrown into this dungeon and only let out to be tortured. I was not the only prisoner here; hundreds of us filled the cells. One by one, people were taken away and never seen again. I don't remember much of it because I escaped to my happy place most of the time. No reality, so no pain. I know my turn is coming – I'm the only one left._

My mind registers the sound of the cell door opening. I don't bother to open my eyes. It's only a fleeting disturbance on the edge of my consciousness. It clangs loudly as the metal bars collide with stone walls. I feel the shock vibrate through the far wall I'm crumpled up against. Indifferent, I assume these will be my last few breaths. I'm too weak to care. I'm ready to die.

The cell door squeals again and clangs shut. Ragged breaths accompany my own now. Perhaps I have an unfortunate new roommate. This is of no consequence to me, so I stay in my little space and remain still. My mind returns to a light sleep, wandering among unsatisfying dreams for some time… until I hear a sound.

"Daniel."

Hands roam over my body. If I thought it was worth it, I'd wake up enough to protest. But as it is, I'm not in any state of mind to care. Whoever this is sits me up and cups my face. "Daniel, wake up." It's Vala's voice.

_I told you to leave. You obeyed me for all this time. Why come back now?_ I say to her in my mind. Cold hands feel at my neck. I shiver outwardly and this must encourage her. I feel her fake fingers caressing my cheek. This elicits a small grunt from me.

"What happened to you?" she says in small voice. I refuse to imagine her in my mind. I shut her out completely, and yet I still feel her torturous fingers on my face. My weak hands grab at her imaginary wrists. The fingers still. "Calm down. It's me."

"Go away," I vocalize out loud. Maybe that will convince her that I'm serious. She is obviously not listening to my inner mind's wants and needs.

"I can't. I'm stuck in this cell just like you. What happened to you? Who are these people? Why did they…"

I strain my face, as if shutting my eyes even harder can block out the sound of her voice. "Go away," I whisper again. My words are laced with desperation and sadness. My happy place is no longer with this figment of my imagination that I got rid of years ago.

"I _need_ you to talk to me. I _need_ your help." She paused. "I'm very confused." Her voice sounds strained and weak.

This is too painful to bear. Never once do I dare open my eyes. I clutch the sides of my head instead, anchoring my fingers in my long hair. The strands are oily to the touch. My palms scrape against the roughness of my beard. As I collapse back down to the soiled floor of my cell, I start singing a song I once heard offworld about a sloth-like creature with no worries. I tuck my knees under my chin and rock back and forth. It's no longer a problem to curl into a small ball like this – I've probably lost half my body weight by now.

I don't know how long I go on. I hear a small thud after a long while. When I open my eyes, she's slumped over in front of me, feigning unconsciousness. I pause. She's never done that before. I poke her with my finger. She doesn't respond. Blood runs down the side of her cheek, probably staining her BDU's. But it's too dark in here to tell. The only light comes from a torch somewhere down the corridor.

I've never seen Vala with blood before, not the imaginary Vala. She was always the picture of health, my mind's way of assuring me that she is safe somewhere. It would have done no good to imagine an injured Vala then, and I can't imagine why I'm looking at one now.

One of my beloved guards paces down the corridor. I hear his footsteps before I see his figure through the bars. My vision is blurry, but I can discern the outline of a burly fellow in some sort of dark cloak. He doesn't say anything I understand. The language of my captors is foreign to me. He simply gestures in the general direction of me, mouthing some sort of report into a communication device. The guard leaves as quickly as he arrives.

I expect that distraction to have rid me of the Vala image. But it doesn't. Her form is still there. I poke at her again. She grunts in response. Tentatively, I touch the blood that's dried onto her cheek. Sticky. I taste it. Bitter. I've forgotten what these foul sensations are like. I've been closed off from all awareness for a long time.

I've never understood why my mind works the way it does. There is no rhyme or reason for my imaginary friend's sudden resurgence. Preparations for the end, maybe? This is a terrible way to prepare then. Maybe it's my fault. I banished her for so long that she's injured within my subconscious and this is how it's manifesting in my mind's eye.

I let out a breath. If this is what my mind will give me before I die, then I guess I should take it. I don't know why I've suddenly changed my attitude toward her. Maybe the fact that she isn't responding helps me focus on the fact that she isn't there. With what little strength I have remaining, I pull her head gingerly onto my lap. Her hair is matted down with blood. I feel the wetness of it through the thin linen of my pants. It mingles with the rest of the dirt there.

I don't recognize my hands as they stroke through the untarnished strands of her locks. They're black with filth and grime. I notice how the skin of her cheek is soft and smooth. My fingers leave behind trails of dirt. My stomach growls, but it always does that. In the absence of food, I just sleep. So as my fingers work on automatic running through her hair, I lose myself to empty dreams.

000

The touch of gentle fingers startles me. From her position in my lap, she's looking up at me. Her forehead is crinkled as if she's in pain. Her eyes are a tad unfocused. I grab her wrist, stilling her fingers just like last time. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," she says calmly. "I feel like crap. How about you?"

My bottom lip quivers. I feel tears forming in my eyes. This is torture. Worse than what those strange people have done to me. It's a torture from within. I can't escape this any more than I can hope to escape death. Please let them take me away now.

Sensing my distress, she sits up abruptly. Her face seems to go green immediately, and Vala turns her head to vomit in the corner. I simply watch. To see her sick and injured in my mind is unusual. But this whole situation has probably destroyed me for good, so there is little point in speculating about my mental state. When her nausea fails to pass, my hand moves to casually stroke her back as she releases her stomach onto the floor. A new odor rises up to mingle with the stench already present in this cell.

Eventually, she has nothing left to expel and sits up. Wiping her mouth on her sleeve, she apologizes. "Sorry." Vala pushes away from the mess she just made and leans against the wall next to me. "I think I have a concussion. They hit me pretty hard. How long have I been here?"

I have no answer. _You were never here to begin with_. She stares at me, contemplating me. Her eyes roam all over my tattered clothes and take in the grime I've become accustomed to. It's like she's waiting for something. "Daniel," she says slowly, "how long have _you_ been here?" I shrug. I honestly don't know. Worry lines crease her face. "You look starved. Literally. Who are these people?" She gestures around at the cell.

I ignore her questions. "I miss you," I whisper. Her gaze locks with mine intently.

"You mean you _missed_ me. Emphasis on _missed_." I don't bother to correct her.

Footsteps provide a distraction from her scrutiny of my face. When she turns to look, another guard is thrusting two bowls through a slot near the bottom of the cell door. They drop to the floor and spill a little bit of liquid as they impact. Vala eyes the guard, and I then see her gaze linger on his jingling keys. It's a look of hope in the middle of all this despair. Hope? Who has hope anymore? Certainly not me.

She crawls toward the bars and tries to peer out. There's nothing for her to see, and after a while she turns back to stare at me. My expression remains blank as I watch her. She picks up both bowls and brings them over to me. Without speaking, she lifts one up to my lips. I instinctively slurp on the tasteless porridge, cringing at the pain of swallowing. My throat has been dry. I finish the first bowl in moments and Vala feeds me the other bowl. The meal is far from satisfying. I'm a little perturbed that she doesn't at least pretend to have a bowl for herself.

When the second bowl is dry, she examines it. It's made of some sort of clay. Not anything special by galactic standards. She seems to think it might be useful, so she slips it behind me in the space between my lower back and the wall. She places the other one near the food slot. All this movement seems to dizzy her, if an imaginary woman can get dizzy. She's never tried to stand once since she's been here, and seems to sway a little when sitting up without any support. I wonder about that. If she has a concussion, does that mean _I_ have a concussion and my mind is trying to tell me so?

Vala falls over. I don't move to get her. She's not really there.

000

I've been drifting in and out for some time now. My stomach has been doing back flips, overjoyed with having something, _anything_, to process. I wake to screeching metal and see that two of my captors have entered the cell and are standing before me. I look up at them but do nothing more. Their faces are shrouded by their hoods and their bodies are obscured by the long cloaks they wear.

The skin, or rather fur, that is exposed is a sickly pale yellow. I shudder. Hands like those were implements of my torture, at least, the parts that I remember. One of the creatures kneels down to examine Vala. Then it turns to me. It vocalizes in Ancient, the only common language between us. His words resemble grunts but I pick up on the meaning.

"This is the female I believe you were waiting for. We captured her at the ring you use for travel. I have spared you another day with her, knowing you have waited ten cycles for such an event. Perhaps now you will not think me so cruel." The ghostly figure stands up. "I have enjoyed learning from you, scholar. It is a shame that I cannot keep you as a slave. I realize you were once a warrior among your people and strong enough to withstand the labor I require. If your mind is sound enough to understand, then hear me. You have only until morning to live. Savor your last moments with this female. Do not dwell on what happens to her after your death. It will only make your passing more unpleasant."

I sense more guilt than kindness in those words. And I think the guilt has more to do with not being able to enslave me than with killing me. This is not the voice of the ones who tortured me, but the voice of their leader. The two figures leave, their cloaks gliding across the floor as they exit. They move like silent ghosts. I contemplate the deadline he's given me. _Until morning_.

At my feet, Vala stirs but does not wake. I doubt that I could have imagined the leader's short explanation. It had too much complex Alteran vocabulary that my mind nearly tossed out in an effort to save itself. I know that my ability to speak back to him in Ancient has already atrophied. So he must be real and telling the truth. If I were ten years younger, I would jump to my feet and hold her, but as it is, I'm too weak to even lift my hands.

I stare at her still form. So she's here.

000

My goal had been to stay conscious long enough to watch over the real Vala. But I'm not very good at achieving goals lately. She's the one rousing me awake this time. When I manage to open my eyes, her blurry face looks worried. She's kneeling over me and holding my head up with her hands. The notion that she's actually here makes me smile.

She looks at me funny but smiles back for a split-second. "Daniel, where are we?"

"In jail," I respond hoarsely.

She frowns. "I can see that. But what happened? I don't remember…" she says, raising a hand to touch the wound at the back of her skull, "how I got this or how long I've been here. There was a bright light and then I woke up here."

Now I frown. She seems even more confused. Vala moves to sit at the wall with me, but finds the bowl she hid there. Picking it up, she examines it in the same manner as before. "Has this always been here?"

"You put it there."

Vala seems surprised. "When?"

"Earlier. After you fed me."

"I fed you?" Memory loss. A sign of a concussion. She wasn't kidding about her self-diagnosis earlier.

I don't answer her question directly. "You should have been the one to eat. They might keep you alive and you'll need your strength." It's been a long time since I've strung so many words together out loud. I choke as I try to cough and clear my throat of its cobwebs.

"You seem to imply that _you_ will not be kept alive."

"No." This visibly alarms her.

"Daniel, we need to get out of here." I shrug. Escape was never on my to-do list. I never had any hope that I could achieve it. She grasps my arms, looking surprised at how frail I must be to her. "You _cannot_ give up. Look, this bowl, it has a crack. Maybe I imagined being able to break it apart and use it as a weapon." She makes an experimental thwack at the wall with the bowl. Looking closely at it again, she nods in satisfaction. She throws the bowl at a wall and it shatters into large fragments.

I don't flinch at the noise. I just look on as she picks out the biggest pieces with jagged edges. "I imagine there will be more bowls of food coming. When the guard gets here, play dead, which shouldn't be very hard for you to do. I'll make a fuss to get him to open the door and come inside. We can both subdue him and be on our way." She seems very smug at this simple plan, and I don't bother to argue with her that it probably won't work. She thrusts a rather menacing piece of former bowl in my hand. I decide to humor her. I have nothing to lose and trying to escape from jail with Vala may be a nice memory before I go.

She sways a little, slamming a heavy hand on the floor to steady herself. It doesn't take an expert to know that her concussion is more than mild. She's probably so out of it that she doesn't realize how bad her injury must be, to think she can pull off this escape. After a few moments, she straightens up.

We sit in silence for a few more hours. Well, _I_ sit in silence. She attempts to ask me all sorts of questions that I don't have the strength to answer. It occurs to me that I should tell her she's in the future. But I'm not even sure they'll let her live long enough for that to be relevant.

I repeat that thought: they might not let her live. They might kill Vala. They _will_ kill Vala. Something inside of me stirs. I almost laugh out loud. I've lived this long only to see her for one day and then die? And then she dies, too? No.

No!

We hear footsteps, and I know it's the guard with my last meal. I fall over, surprising Vala in the process. She nudges me to check if I'm really okay. She even whispers to me that I should give her a sign. I don't. She calls my name again several times, each one with increasing panic. "Daniel! Daniel!"

By the time she's in hysterics, the guard arrives with the food and grumbles. I hear Vala yelling at the guard. He understands enough that he opens the cell door just as we planned. Vala lets out an "oof" as the guard pushes her against the wall and out of his way. I smell him leaning over me more than I can hear his loud breath. Rotten eggs and fire-breathing dragons float in my mind's eye for a fleeting moment.

My eyes pop open. My hand grips the broken pottery and slams it into his shrouded face. When he screams and falls back, so does his hood, revealing a hairy creature covered in blood. I must have hit its eye. The yellow hairs of his fur stand on end as he screams incessantly.

Vala jumps up and slams a hard elbow down on his neck. He drops to the floor. She gives him another hard punch just to be sure he's really unconscious. She kicks him with her boot and gets no response. Satisfied, she grabs the guard's key ring and hooks it onto her belt. I'm still on the floor, a little surprised that this actually worked.

She turns to me. "Can you stand?" I nod. She helps me up, and we both sway with uncertainty. "I hope you know how to get out of here."

"Left," I say. She gives me a look of question. "To the right are the torture chambers. Left," I say more adamantly.

She doesn't disagree after that piece of information and tugs me forward. My legs feel like noodles. I haven't used them in so long they can barely hold me up. I force myself to cooperate as she uses an arm to keep me upright. Adrenaline seems to course through my veins and I feel a sense of strength as well as sensation return to my legs. We struggle down the corridor for some time.

Pausing at an intersection, I feel Vala's steady grip slipping. Now I have to wrap an arm around her. She seems overcome with dizziness. I hear faint footsteps and urge her forward. With only the fake strength of adrenaline now, I hope that it will last long enough for us to leave. We bob and weave through the narrow corridor, both losing our balance constantly. It's slow-going, but the further away we get from the cell, the more determined I feel. We continue down for more minutes. I glance up at a single window and see that it's a cloudy night. The cool breeze passing through it brushes my cheek gently and acts as a motivating taste of freedom.

The corridor is not the maze I had feared. Given what I remember about offworld castles, I suspect we're in the perimeter hallway of one. As long I hug the outside wall, we should find an exit eventually. After ages of stumbling through the dark, we arrive at a dip in the wall. Leaning on Vala for support, I feel along the indent. It's a door. When I try to open it, it will not budge.

Vala seems aware enough to finger the keys on her belt. She leans forward on the door to support herself and fumbles with different keys in the lock. After a few tries, the door gives way to open land. We both freeze and cringe at the sound of the door's creaking. It isn't a terribly loud noise, but it could be enough to alert someone. We wait and listen but no one comes.

The air is cooler than I expected and hits me in the face like a slap. I think it wakes Vala up more, because she's suddenly leading us toward the tree line for cover. We don't have far to go, but we also don't dare stop at just the edge. By now my strength is fading and I think Vala is succumbing to her concussion again. We have to keep moving. We _need_ to keep moving.

I'm wondering in the back of my mind why we didn't encounter more resistance. There never seemed to be a shortage of men to torture the prisoners, myself included. But now, the area seems devoid of people. I worry that there is a trap waiting for us. We wander aimlessly through the forest for a long while until I finally collapse. I simply don't have the energy to do this. My adrenaline has run out now that I sense we're temporarily out of danger.

Vala falls down next to me, leaving us both on our backs panting. "We shouldn't stay here," one of us says groggily. I can't tell which one of us is talking. But we're both in agreement it seems. Despite this, I think we fall asleep from exhaustion. Maybe it couldn't be helped.

000

A loud blast startles us awake the next morning. What's left of my muscles are sore and aching, causing strong pain to course through me when I instantly sit up. Vala sits up as well, but this sudden movement seems to aggravate her condition and she heaves on the forest floor. With nothing in her stomach to release, it doesn't last long. I look back in the direction of the sound. Dark clouds of smoke are rising up in the distance. I can see the red of fire behind the trees. We seem far enough away that the explosion won't affect us, but I aim to be as far away as possible.

Another blast rocks the ground. Vala looks up. I recognize the sound of weapons fire hurtling down from orbit. It seems that someone is firing on something. Vala looks confused. I grab onto her shoulders and make her look me in the eyes. "We escaped. Do you remember?"

She's dazed and shakes her head. "I…" she hesitates.

"Come on, get up," I order hurriedly. I look at the forest floor around us and can see where we trampled the brush. I follow the path back toward the explosion. "We came from _that_ direction," I exclaim, pointing at our path. "They're blowing up the castle!" No wonder there was no one around. They had no intention of staying open for business.

"Who?" Vala asks.

I grab Vala's hand. "Nevermind. Just trust me and run. I'll fill you in on the way." We head further into the thick of the trees. As we zigzag through the forest in an unplanned path, I wonder if the ship in orbit can detect our bio signs. That wouldn't be a good thing. Vala seems to be thinking the same, now that she's somewhat caught up, but won't allow me to dwell on it. She squeezes my hand. _Won't do us any good. Just keep moving._

We move for what feels like hours until I spy a clearing up ahead. It catches my attention because something metallic reflects the sunlight into my eyes. As we approach cautiously, I realize what it is. _A gate!_ Vala and I break off into a run, severing our grip on each others' hands to aid in the movement. We stop just short of the clearing and peer about wearily. Vala motions with her hands that she's going to circle about and that I should do the same. We can meet on the other side of the clearing if all is well.

I carefully hug the trees as I check the perimeter. I call upon old tricks of stealth I've picked up for the purpose of surviving one more day. A sound rustles nearby and I turn in alarm. A small rodent scurries out from under some brush. I dare not sigh in relief and keep moving, hoping the sound doesn't alert anyone else who might be around. After about ten minutes, I meet up with Vala on the other side. She nods the all-clear, and I concur.

We rush the DHD. I dial the first address I can think of, hoping that it's the right decision. Vala seems to recognize it and questions me. "Are you sure, Daniel?"

"No," I say as I punch the last button. The gate's mechanisms sound and the blast of a wormhole shoots forward. I grab her hand. _But maybe they won't think we're stupid enough to go back there._

_And maybe they will_, she thinks back. I can't argue with her. She doesn't realize where she is in time or what the condition of the galaxy is right now. None of our "safe" planets can be trusted anymore. Besides, my instinct is to get off this one and do it yesterday. I pull on her arm and drag her through the gate with me.

We exit the wormhole into sudden night. The light of the shimmering pool gives me enough of a look to know which way to go. The gate shuts itself off, leaving us in total darkness. I pray to whatever God is listening that there aren't any ground troops. I've worked my way through this forsaken forest enough that I've left markers for myself if I have to detour around them, but I'd rather not have to. With only the pale moonlight to light our way I find my first marker, a stack of three thin logs. I stop to scan the area with my ears. Nothing but indigenous animals. I turn left and keep moving.

Vala follows me blindly. I can sense her puzzlement but I don't speak aloud to acknowledge it. At the second marker, a set of branches hanging in an X-fashion from a tree limb, I listen again. Snoring. Someone is here, but not very aware. Vala points in the direction of the sound. It's directly in our path. I motion to her that we're going to come around. She nods and keeps a hold of my hand. I wind us around to another marker, this one further away from the snoring person but also closer to our destination.

With little else to deter us, we arrive at the clearing. I can see my abandoned supplies across the way. Vala's foot brushes on something and she looks down. A canteen. My canteen. So they left everything as it was. I can only hope they felt the same way about the inside of the structure we're at. I don't know how much I revealed during my torture. The leader seemed particularly interested in why I had made a home all by myself on the planet.

Vala studies the ominous stone building. I know what she's thinking because I've thought the same. It's a lot more brooding at night. During the day, it stands as a harmless looking ruin. Little did we know. She grasps my hand and I can feel the question coursing through it.

_This is important_, I try to tell her without saying anything. She still looks hesitant, and I can tell she doesn't understand. I lead her into the structure and down the winding corridors into the underground chamber where everything went all to hell. It's nothing but dark here. The lights that the SGC set up have since gone out. I whisper for Vala to stay when I figure out we've made it. I reach in and feel around for my pack. _Thank god._ I find it and dig in. There is a slight crackle as a glowstick illuminates my face. Vala seems mildly surprised then reaches into the pack to pull out another one. As we disperse more sticks around the room, it seems that this place has been untouched. I hold on to the hope that the leader never learned about this from anyone, especially me.

I find another pack and recognize it as my emergency rations. The last time I encountered SGC personnel was a year ago. They were all dead and left to rot. There was nothing I could do for them but hope to pass on word that their bodies were there. No one else would know what their power bars or MREs were, so I took them. I dig into the pack now and pull out two power bars. Vala takes one, and we both greedily chow down.

When we're done, I stare at the walls. The ceiling has since cracked to the point where I would have little hope of translating the writing up there now. Even if I could understand the technical jargon it held. Vala props herself up against the wall. "So what now?" she asks.

Honestly, I don't know. Something drew me back here. I'm not sure what or why, but I felt an urge to take Vala here. "This is a time machine."

"What."

"It's a time machine."

"How do you know?"

"Vala, what's the last thing you remember before waking up and running for your life?"

She furrows her brow in concentration, or it is pain from her concussion? "I think… I was… here?"

"And?"

"There was a bright light…" she hesitates. "I couldn't see. I think I got knocked down, and then… I woke up in the forest with you, scared out of my mind."

"You were hit in the head pretty hard. You've been in and out for the past day or so. You really can't remember being in the dungeon?"

"No," she answers, nodding emphatically. She regrets this and blinks in dizziness.

I kneel down and cup her face with my hands. "I know that this is very confusing. I'll try to keep it simple. You've been transported ten years into the future." Vala looks as baffled as ever. "This place," I gesture around the room, "is one big Ancient mistake of a time machine. It doesn't work properly."

"This is the future?" she says in a meek voice. I can sense her fear and uncertainty radiating through our touch and up my arms. But I can also sense a bit of understanding as this explains my sudden change in appearance.

"I'd do anything to change it. I don't think this is the way things should be. Everyone we know is dead. The fact that I left the SGC is a stroke of luck. I would have been killed sooner working for them."

Vala seems incredulous. "You left the SGC? What do you mean everyone is dead?"

I stop for a moment. Do I really want to tell the story? She's losing her memory as it is, and I sure as hell would love to lose my own memories. God knows I've lost everything else. It's a miracle that I've managed to stay coherent this long since her arrival. Maybe her presence is grounding me somehow.

"Daniel?"

"Vala. There's so much. It's been ten years. It could take just as long to explain all the things that have happened."

She's straining to be patient. But her eyes are demanding that I tell her. "Then give me the highlights."

I give her a look. What a Vala thing to say. It quirks up the side of my mouth. "Bottom line, the galaxy's gone all to hell and I love you."

Her eyes widen for a moment, then her surprise disappears just as suddenly. "What's new?" she says sarcastically. She quirks a smile of her own before her eyes glaze over and she passes out again. I catch her just in time to see the wound on her head as she falls forward. It's such a long gash that I'm amazed she's even able to function. The sight of it worries me. I have no access to medical supplies, let alone a doctor. I shouldn't have brought her here.

Now that Vala's out and I've said what I needed to say, I feel my own exhaustion creeping up on me. Months of starving and other not-so-fun-to-mention things have weakened me. I probably won't last much longer. I can feel it. I use the last bit of strength I have left to drag Vala and me into the center of the chamber. I fall on my back next to her, no longer able to move.

I don't know why I do this or why I place her here. If I were in my right mind, I would have done things differently. But then again, I'm pretty sure I'm crazy now.

"Rest, my Darling. It's time to rest," I hear Vala's voice. When I turn my head, she hasn't moved. I look inward and find my imaginary friend speaking to me instead. Her image floats with mine in a weightless sea of nothing. "There is no more for you to do than rest."

Peace washes over me before I feel my mind shutting down for the very last time.

A/N: He held on till the very last minute. Hope you like. The story is not yet concluded, as I'm sure you noticed. Hang on for another chapter soon! I finally fixed my ending! Trust me, I had this 'done' ages ago, but when I thought about it, something more needed to be done. It felt hollow. Took a good few weeks and a couple other rejected attempts before this chapter was added in to open up a new world of possibilities later. Thanks for reading. Feel free to review, my friends.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Just warning you that this chapter occurs soon after Daniel's decision to leave the SGC. I hope after reading this you'll understand why we caught a glimpse of the future. I'll keep your feedback in mind when moving on to the next story I may have in store!

Thanks to all who have read this far. I've enjoyed listening to your thoughts. -MKRG

0000000000

**Chapter 5**

_Present day_

It was harder than I thought to leave the SGC The news broke out that I was resigning and using my privileges to choose any offworld destination I pleased. It was a shock to everyone on base. Or that's what they keep telling me. I had a variety of reactions. Some tried to sit me down and talk me out of this. Carolyn in particular. Others patted me on the back and said "good luck." The only one who didn't do any of that was Jack. He still thought he had a chance to change my mind once we were offworld.

"Probably thinks you'll be more devastated once you see the lonely planet that I'm no longer on. Maybe he thinks he can drag you back here because you'll collapse with grief." I give the mental Vala a look. It would rival Teal'c's raised eyebrow expression. Vala is being awfully melodramatic right now.

A crowd has amassed in the gate room and beyond, apparently to say one last goodbye to me before I leave. They've all realized just how serious I am about this. I can't stay here anymore. My few memories of the real Vala are mostly within these stone grey walls. She's literally haunting me.

As Jack and I walk up the ramp to the shimmering blue of the gate, I take one look back. The soldiers I've worked with for years are there, saluting me like a fellow officer. Some of my staff from the archaeology department are standing solemnly off to the side. My team, well, of course, they're in the middle. Each of them has their own looks of regret. Sam's about to cry, I think.

I try to channel my own regret into action. I force myself to turn around and walk through the gate, for what should be the very last time.

Jack and I step through without much thought about the process that gets us there. I recognize the lush green forest of this god-forsaken world. It's the same tropical setting. Vala said she liked it immediately the first time she was here. I turn now to glance at the fake Vala standing by my side. As if she's a mirror image of myself, she has her own large duffle bag hauled over her shoulders. The pack is stuffed with provisions that I'll need as I make my way around the galaxy, looking for some way to get her home, and if not that, then something to do while I wait for her to come back. She has a strange look on her face, one that I can't quite explain. It baffles me more because she's supposed to be an image of my mind's own making. I should be able to figure this out. But I can't.

Without much to say, she steps forward, ahead of Jack and me. I follow. I can sense Jack's eyes boring into the back of my head, trying to figure me out just like I'm trying to figure Vala out. He takes the rear, not actually knowing which way to go. He's never been to this planet before. It's relatively new in the database. I wish it had never been added in the first place.

We trudge along, cutting through overgrown plants as we go. The path Mitchell and Teal'c made last time is gone. There's no sign of the damage they had to do just to get us to the damned structure where my latest misery began. About forty-five minutes in, we make it to a clearing. Suddenly the ground is covered in a soft blanket of grass, strangely blue in hue. Sam said it was something about the way the light of the suns reflect off of this stuff.

"So this is it," Jack voices solemnly. We're now staring up at a large structure that stands in defiance to the forest around it. It's foreboding. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if the energy inside deters most plant growth around the compound. It's not like there's anyone here to mow the grass. "Looks… ancient."

"It is."

"And that's why you rushed into this place like a kid at a candy store."

"Yeah," I reply, feeling a sharp pang of regret. I should have been more cautious. I should have circled the perimeter and checked for markings that belied the danger inside. None of this would have happened if I'd considered my team before my insatiable curiosity to see what was inside. I never would have lost the woman that I now realize I love.

And then I remember that my regret is killing me and I have to move on. I remind myself that there are no markings on these walls. It's a ruse to make one think that it's safe to explore here. As if the damned machine is trying to lure fools like me inside. Well, it worked. And I'd tear the thing apart in retaliation if I didn't need it to bring Vala back.

I catch a glimpse of her walking in, disappearing into the dark. Jack and I follow, turning on our flashlights as we go. I didn't bother to carry a P-90 this time. But Jack cradles one in his arms, a familiar sight for sore eyes. We travel down the winding passages before finally making it into the deep, underground chamber.

It's a wide, round room. Leftover portable light poles line the perimeter, offering minimal illumination. The crumbling stands of rock are still scattered about, former computer consoles according to the science team Sam sent. They studied every inch of this room and combed it looking for a way to activate it. But all of the external controls are gone, smashed beyond any hope of repair. They couldn't even find the power source.

There's a design on the floor, a series of overlapping rings. I look up at the ceiling, where the Ancient gibberish I tried to translate is located. The writing is still there, the symbols laughing at me for my stupidity. I'm about to give them something more to laugh about. Jack stands off to the side, wary of the room but assured by Sam that this machine's not turned on right now. He seems to know that I need my space because he leaves me alone as I stare at nothing for a while.

What I'm really looking at is her. She's dumped the pack and is wandering around. Her eyes are flittering up and down the room, as if studying it further will bring her back. I clench my fists at my side tightly. I can't tell anymore if that's in my mind or if it's real. And there's the problem. The line between reality and imagination is so blurred that I'm not really sure where it is anymore. I'm afraid I'm really losing it. And that's why I have to do this.

"Vala."

She turns to look at me. For the time being, I have all of her attention.

"We have to end this."

The look in her eyes tells me that she's reading my mind, but still surprised. She knows what I'm about to say because she can sense my emotions like I can read books. The understanding is instant and direct. Despite that, though, I feel the need to explain myself in words.

"You're not real. And it's becoming too hard to separate you from the real world. You're killing me here. You need to leave." There, I did it.

Her eyes grow wet. Imaginary Vala doesn't waste her imaginary breath arguing. She knows it's not enough to convince me. The real Vala would kick and scream and shout if I ever tried to break up with her. This is different. The tears are really coming down her face now. I feel the moisture on my own skin and realize that I'm crying, too.

"Daniel," I hear from behind me. Jack's voice seems so far away. I ignore him.

This is ridiculous. I'm crying over a figment of my imagination. God, when will this torture end? First, my parents. Then Sha're. Janet. Catherine Langford. Sarah. All the other people I've lost. Why is the cosmic joke always on me? I'm surprised that I haven't considered suicide yet.

The Vala from my mind stands there, defeated. She's wiped up her tears and is trying to look brave. I can tell she's heartbroken. I know because she's simply a reflection of me, a leftover piece of the real Vala from when we joined minds, fused into my very being. I understand that part now. But I'm tired. So tired. The trip to this place is my way of bringing closure to it all. This is how I'll say goodbye, at least for now.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Let it out," he says. That's not like Jack, to tell me to go ahead and cry. He taught me to be a hardened soldier. To deal with pain while keeping up with life. I guess after Charlie, he felt the need to pass on what he had learned about coping. He'd probably hate to see me commit suicide like he once wanted to do himself.

Oh. Maybe that's why he wants me to face my grief. So I can get through it better.

As I think this, I realize that I've been facing my grief head on ever since I lost her. She's been right there in front of my face for months. Talking to me. Comforting me. Making love to me. It's crazy and insane and I'm glad for it. But I can't take it anymore. The constant reminder of what I've lost is too much for me now.

I don't allow myself to crumble into a heap, sobbing. I just let the tears flow. Vala's image has disappeared completely now. I feel a new emptiness in my mind. She really did leave like I asked. Jack is still behind me. He's dropped his hand off my shoulder now.

Through my tears, I notice a light begins to fill the room. I blink. What the hell? The ring pattern on the floor is starting to glow. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. "Jack," I start.

"I see it. Is it doing what I'm afraid it's doing?"

"I don't know. Umm… run!" We scramble to the edge of the room as the design on the floor rages with bright light. It's a hot white, blinding light, painful for my strained eyes. It gets so bright that we have to feel along the walls to find the exit. God if I get stuck in another time because of this thing I swear I'll, I'll… I don't even know. I'll be furious.

I hear Jack shout, "Here!" and he pulls me into the darkness of the passageway beyond the room. A deep hum is reverberating off the walls, causing the whole structure to shake. It's getting so loud that I can barely hear my footsteps as we run blindly through the corridor. The machine didn't do this last time. It didn't shake like a mega-earthquake. What's happening? Are we going to die here?

The noise raises in pitch so fast that I clamp my hands over my ears. It's no use because the white noise of the machine gets through. I have to stop - it's too disorienting. I feel Jack collapse next to me. Good, at least he's still nearby. I can't see shit in this dark.

God, this hurts! I feel my mouth opening up to let out a scream, but I can't even hear myself. The walls and ground are still shaking around us. I've been scared before but this one takes the cake.

And in an instant… it all stops.

The noise is gone.

The compound has stilled its shaking.

I cautiously lift my hands off of my ears and open my eyes. I must have closed them when the pain became too great. I still can't see anything, but I can hear Jack, faintly, rustling next to me. He reaches out a hand to find me.

"Daniel?" he asks worriedly. My eardrums must be busted because he sounds far away even though he's right next to me.

"I'm here. I'm… alive, I think." We haul each other up. Jack manages to find a flashlight and turns it on. The faint glow of its illumination pales in comparison to the frightening show we just escaped from. It barely lights our faces and torsos, let alone anything in the corridor. "What the hell was that?"

I don't think Jack can actually hear me. Side effect of dangerous decibels. He reads my lips then mouths back that he doesn't know. We maintain eye contact and have a conversation that way. Despite my demands to get the hell away from here, Jack insists that we go back to the chamber and figure out what happened. He grabs hold of my arm and drags me there. He grips even harder when I resist.

Apparently we didn't get very far when we ran, because we only spend a minute or two walking back. As we approach the entrance, I see that the strange glow is gone. Only the inadequate poles along the walls are left to light the room. Several of them have toppled over. I'm still trying to figure out where the energy for all this is coming from. They said there's no ZPM around here.

On instinct, Jack holds up his P-90. I wish I brought something now. What if we're in another time? We have to defend ourselves. My thoughts are cut short when I reach the actual entrance to the room. There she is again. I feel a rush of anger go through me. I told her to leave! She can't show up now when we're possibly in the middle of a crisis.

Vala's hunched over in the center of the room. She's acting disoriented, probably reflecting the way I feel. Funny, she's back in her fatigues again. Lately she'd been favoring civilian clothing. Her dark hair is cascading down, covering her face. Her uniform looks worn and dirty. She's shaking.

"Holy shit." Jack steps forward.

I look at him then back at the room. What does he see? What did I miss because I was too busy being mad at imaginary Vala? I scan the chamber. The rock consoles that used to control this machine are even more damaged. Their inner workings are exposed now, looking damaged and ruined.

The woman on the floor looks up at Jack. She's dazed and confused. Then she seems to see me for the first time. "Daniel?" she says in a small voice. There's blood running down the side of her face. It makes me wonder if my mind is trying to tell me I'm bleeding myself. I reach up to touch my head. No, no blood.

Jack moves toward the center of the room. I follow him, trying to ignore the figure crumpled on the floor there. But then Jack does something strange. He reaches down and puts his hands on her shoulders. I shake my head. I'm seeing things. Jack isn't really there.

He turns back to look at me from his crouched position. "Don't just stand there! Get over here!" I blink. He grabs my jacket and pulls me down. As I crash to the floor ungracefully, my hand makes contact with Vala's arm.

It's warm.

Jack puts his fingers to her neck, checking her pulse. She starts to nod off. "Oh no, you don't. Stay awake, you hear me?"

"What the hell," I breathe.

Jack slaps me hard across the face. "Snap out of it and help me!" Man, that stung. Wait a minute. This is my imagination. Why the hell would I allow myself to feel even more pain? "Daniel!"

Oh god, she's real.

I reach down instantly to cradle her in my arms. "Vala!"

Jack pulls his hands back. "Careful. I think she might have a concussion. We need to get her home." I'm dumbfounded. This can't be. Is she really back? Jack gets in my face. "Look, I know you're in shock. But I need you to move." He helps me stand up with Vala in my arms. She's gone limp and I know she's unconscious. I'm numb as I follow Jack up to the surface. When we get there, the binary suns hit my face. I squint as my eyes adjust. The strange blue grass is still there surrounding the compound. The tropical greenery is still just beyond the clearing. Are we in another time? How would we even know? Is it safe?

Jack leads us back the way we came, back to the stargate. The path we cut earlier is obvious. A large branch I had to hack away is right there on the ground where I left it. This is… I'm so afraid to believe that it's really Vala in my arms. That she's alive. How can I know if I haven't gone off the deep end? I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to will reality back into focus. "Daniel, come on!" Jack yells at me.

My arms are tired by the time we reach the gate. Jack dials quickly and sends our IDCs. He relays a message to have a medical team ready for our return. And here I thought I'd never go back home.

He pulls me through the gate easily, where the sight of the SGC gate room greets me. Mitchell runs in and yells. He rushes up the ramp to relieve me of the burden in my arms. Carolyn and a nurse quickly push a gurney in and let Mitchell place her gently on top of it. The doctor demands to know what happened as we run with her to the infirmary, but I'm too dumbstruck to answer. Jack is the one who explains how we found her.

I'm about to follow the gurney all the way to the examination room when Jack and Mitchell hold me back. I lose sight of her just as the swinging doors close. I whisper to them, "Is this real?" I'm afraid that if I ask any louder, I won't hear the answer I want.

"Yeah, buddy," Mitchell responds, "this is real. Vala's here." There's worry in his voice, but elation, too.

I make eye contact with Jack. He's looking at me funny, then struggles for a smile but fails. "Are you okay?" he asks with concern.

In answer, I collapse right then and there.

000

I don't know how long it's been when I wake up. I'm alone in one of the infirmary beds, the privacy curtain pulled around me. I'm not hooked up to any tubes or wires, so that's good. I look down. Still in my BDUs. So they didn't think it was serious. Did I really faint?

I groan as I sit up and try to get out of the bed. I hear footsteps approach, then the curtain is pulled back. It's Mitchell. "Good, you're awake. How you feeling?"

"Lousy." I pause, trying to get over the nausea that suddenly threatens to overcome me. "What's going on?" I say, strained.

Mitchell steps over to help me stand. "Vala's alive. You brought her back. And she's looking for you."

I look up then. I search Mitchell's eyes and find only the truth. "Where?"

He leads me down a hallway to another section of the infirmary, where they keep the patients in not-so-good condition. There's already a group of people in the room when we walk in. I don't even pay attention to their faces, because as soon as I see Vala's, everything else disappears. I stagger over to her bedside.

She looks relieved to see me, if not a little disoriented. I cup her face in my hands and lean my forehead to hers. "Daniel," she whispers.

Her voice is so real. Her hands rest on my arms. They're warm and comforting and real. They're real. "You're really here," I whisper back.

"Of course. Where else would I be?"

I lean back to look at her. She smiles at me in that enigmatic way that baited me years ago. Carolyn rests a hand on my back. "She'll live." I glance at the doctor to offer her thanks for getting to the point so quickly. It's what I needed to hear. "You might have seen the injury on her head." I nod. "It caused a serious concussion. She's suffering from memory loss and, apparently, also exhaustion." Carolyn seems puzzled. I look at Vala and wonder what happened to her in the future. Obviously she has no idea either and shrugs. "Scans are showing some swelling, so we'll keep her here until it goes down. I'm confident that the drugs we give her will help."

"Do you think she'll ever remember?" I ask.

Carolyn grimaces at both me and Vala. "I doubt it. But I have a feeling that's not such a bad thing given her condition when she was brought back." We all look at each other. Whatever she had gone through out there, it could not have been pleasant. I should have been there with her. Maybe I could have protected her. "We'll give you two some time alone. But Daniel," she says, pulling me away from my thoughts, "if she passes out again, you need to note the time. We have to wake her up every few hours."

"Okay," I respond with a serious nod. I won't take any chances and will follow Carolyn's every word. As if I haven't been forced to already.

When I see that everyone else has vacated the room, I sit down on the bed with Vala. She locks eyes with me. "They told me I was missing. How long was I gone?"

I stopped counting a while ago. It was too painful. "Too long."

She furrows her brow. Her hand brushes my cheek, just the way I've imagined it these past few months. "Darling, did you miss me?" she says playfully.

I answer by kissing her fully on the mouth. She responds in kind, delighted by my sudden affection. I have to remind myself that this is the real Vala, not the imaginary version I've been in a relationship with. This one won't remember all the words that were said between us.

Eventually, she breaks the kiss. A curious smile is on her face, but she doesn't try to ruin the moment. I hug her fiercely and tell her, "I'm never letting you go, ever again."

She hugs me back and it feels ridiculously wonderful. Thank god she's not a pillow and a figment of my imagination. Vala giggles a little. "What if I have to go the bathroom?"

I just shake my head in happy frustration. She's back.

I clasp our hands together and lean my forehead to hers again. My eyes close in appreciation of this chance I've been given. A surge of happiness and relief washes over me. I hear her laughter through our link. When I ask her why she's laughing, she tells me it's because she's happy to see me happy. I smile at that. It doesn't strike me as odd that I'm communicating with her this way. It feels natural… and right.

We stay connected, mentally and physically, until she falls asleep. I worry a little, but the brainwave monitor she's hooked up to indicates that it's only sleep. I watch her for a little while longer, caressing her cheek gently. An image flashes through my mind for a fleeting instant… that my fingers are leaving behind trails of dirt and grime on her face. I shake my head. What the hell was that?

The image brings with it the most desperate despair I've ever felt in my life. Ten times worse than what I've just gone through. _Ten_ being the operative word. Vala stirs a little and I stroke her hair. The feeling fades and something tells me to forget it.

000

Jack and I are sitting in my office later that day, coffee in hands. We're going over what happened on the planet, just to be sure nothing is left out of my report. Yes, I'm back at the SGC. It's like I never left. "Jack, back there when I was… you know… did you see anything strange?"

"Other than you standing there looking at nothing? No."

"Then what caused the machine to activate? Sam and McKay said it was dependent on the planet's orbit."

"You're asking the wrong person. All I remember is thinking."

"Thinking?"

"About how much we needed the pirate princess back home so you could put yourself back together again, Humpty Dumpty."

I sip more coffee as I absorb his words. "You thought that?" I ask to clarify.

"Yep. Thinking…" He sipped his coffee as well. "I hate to see you down like that, you know," Jack said more seriously.

Something clicks in my mind. Jack. Ancient time machine. Ancient gene. Thought control. "It was you," I say in amazement.

"What?" He dons a perplexed expression.

"You, you with your ancient gene! Of course you wouldn't need consoles to control the machine if you could just _think_ what you wanted."

He furrows his brow and considers this. We both sit in silence for a moment, realizing the implications. The Goa'uld didn't waste their time with the machine because they couldn't activate it. And if they did, well, they ended up like Vala in another time. "Huh. So I saved the girl."

Now I furrow my brow. That's _my_ girl he's talking about. "Yeah, after I led you there."

"Relax, Dannyboy. We can both take the credit. Besides, Carter would kill me if…" He stops himself as if he's already said too much. I smirk. He gets up to leave. "Well, I should be heading out. It was nice to go on this little side trip with you. Hope I never have to do it again."

I stand up to see him out the door. "Thanks for everything, Jack."

"Sure, you betcha." I opt for a full-on hug instead of the standard hand shake. This is the only other way I know to convey my appreciation for his helpful _thoughts_. Jack claps me on the back before stepping back. "Take care, Daniel. I'll see you 'round."

"Bye, Jack."

After he's gone, I close my office door and return to the infirmary. She's just waking up when I arrive and a nurse is checking her vitals. I smile at them both and wait patiently for the nurse to finish. Rubbing sleep out of her eyes, Vala looks up at me and quirks a confused smile. "Daniel?"

"Yes?" I say with a smile and sit down with her.

"How did I get here?" I cringe a little. Carolyn warned me about the memory loss.

"There was an accident offworld. But you're okay now."

Vala seems to accept this. "What happened?"

"Not sure. You got a blow to the head and well… lots of… stuff… happened." I don't have the strength to repeat this story. Not when she might forget it all over again. "Hey, your memory might not be back to normal for a while, so I'll wait till later to give you the details, alright?"

Confused, Vala nods. "Okay. Whatever you say."

000

It's a few more days before Carolyn feels comfortable letting Vala out of the infirmary. And even then, she keeps a close watch on her, doing personal visits to her quarters. I check on her frequently as well. Vala's going to be off active duty for at least a month. It's now the sixth day since her return.

I don't mention the strange images that she's feeding me through our bond. I'm not sure what they mean yet and don't want to alarm anyone. They only seem to surface when she's asleep and I'm nearby. I've seen images of myself as a broken man. Is that what would have happened to me if she never returned? Is that how strong our bond is now? I get feelings of exhaustion, like from constant running. And fear. Lots of that. Lots and lots of that. But since Vala was never coherent to begin with, at least from the time she got hit in the head, these brief flashes have no context to offer me answers.

It scares me what my life would have been like without her. I try not to dwell on that dangerous path of thinking as I walk to her quarters. She's just getting dressed from a shower when I walk in. I hug her close. Her damp hair smells like sweet fruit. I keep her in my arms, just savoring the feel of a real woman within them. She looks up to kiss me on the lips lightly.

I smile down at her. "Remember when we joined minds?"

She nods and makes a sound of affirmation. Her eyes sparkle with a smile.

"I think I kept a piece of you inside me." It's strange to be talking about my imaginary friend with the woman she's based upon. The real Vala cocks her head to the side, curious for my explanation. She seems stable enough now to remember things long-term, so I'm hoping that I only have to tell this once. "When you were gone, I could…" I hesitate. This is going to sound absolutely crazy.

"You could?" she prompts.

"I could see you." She looks a little confused. "I know this sounds insane. But maybe I had gone insane. Vala, when you're gone, it hurts."

Her eyes soften even more and she runs a hand along my cheek in comfort. "I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere."

"I know." I kiss her then. It's loving and deep. It contains all of the conflicted emotions I've had to deal with while she was gone. The regret. The fear. The pure joy of her return. She whimpers a sound of satisfaction as I devour her. I can feel her smiling against my mouth, enjoying my new-found affection terribly.

When I finally break the kiss, I breathe, "You were here." I'm not sure why I feel the need to share about my temporary wrestling match with hallucinations. Maybe it's my way of confirming that it happened and imaginary Vala was as real as I needed her to be.

"I was?" She's so in tune with me that she knows I'm still talking about what I said earlier. It's something to do with our joining.

"You tried to make me feel better. Tried to help me figure out ways to get you back."

"Well if a little piece of me is in here," she says, pointing at my head, "then maybe a piece of you is in here." She gestures toward her own head. I can see understanding in her eyes. She isn't the least bit surprised by my revelation. God, how I love being joined with her. I don't have to say much to get my point across. Thoughts are so much easier to convey than words.

I stare at her now, with nothing more to really add. My hands are lightly stroking her sides, caressing a real, warm body. My right hand snakes around to the small of her back. Vala maintains her grip on me, arms around my neck. She's lost in my eyes, trying to communicate with me on a different level than words.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she finally asks.

"Hmm? Tell you what?"

"That you love me."

I breathe in as I figure out what to say. "I don't know. My feelings are a complicated mess. I guess…" She puts a finger to my mouth to stop me.

"I love you, too, you know."

I smile down at her again. "I know." I wonder how I could have ever hidden such an incredible truth from her. I can't imagine wanting to now. She is everything to me. And I'm overjoyed that the feeling is mutual. I take her hand and lead her over to the bed. She makes no protest as I lay her down gently and settle in beside her.

I kiss her shoulder and have her tuck in close to me. She snuggles up easily, clearly milking the contact for all its worth. I let my bliss wash over her and she sighs. This bond of ours is strange. I'm not sure what it will transform into; I just know that it's evolving. "I'll have you know, I've fantasized about this for a long time," she comments. I chuckle.

"Me too," I admit. I'm thinking this fantasy played in my dreams long before she disappeared. "I hope you still remember this in the morning," I say.

Vala doesn't seem to catch the intention in my voice. For once she doesn't pick up on innuendo headed her way. She really did get bonked on the head. "If not, we can always do this again until I do remember." That puts a smile on my face. A big one. She seems to notice. "What?"

I scramble on top of her and she shrieks. Laughing, I lean down to kiss her senseless. I feel sparks between us as I sense her body responding to mine. As close as I am to her, my need becomes obvious. She wiggles her hips in a slow, timed dance that I could only dream about before. I take my time to caress and kiss down her neck. She clearly loves the attention – but I think I'm relaxing her too much into sleep.

I change tactics and bite the skin above her left breast. She sucks in a breath and I sense pleasure oozing out of her. It's rolled with desire and lust and need. I don't need a mind bond to know what she wants, yet I'll happily take advantage of it. I strip her slowly, letting my hands explore her curves sensuously. She moans happily, and then she radiates a filthy greed for me that I can't help but feel smug about.

I touch her. My fingers stroke her intimately and it seems to open a door. She breathes deeply, and I can see myself walking into that mental door. She's on the other side, beckoning me and inviting me in. It's a safe place, she tries to tell me. I draw pleasure in her groans and can almost feel what she's feeling as I pleasure her.

She grabs a hold of me and I pause. When her hands start to do naughty things to my manhood I open my own mental door. Or rather, it slams open with the strength of gale force winds. A wispy, ghostly image of myself is pulling on her hand and leading her into the depths of my soul. I gasp when she does something good to me.

She's begging me now and I can't deny her. I position myself at her entrance as our mental avatars join hands. Hers is in a flowing white dress. Pure for me. I'm in comfortable white shorts. Completely relaxed for her. When I push into her, it's like time stops. We become one. She is me and I am her. The bond is stronger now than it was the day we joined minds. Colors wrap around us like silk, gently caressing our mental bodies.

Our physical bodies engage in a dance of hard movements and loud grunts. I've never been so ripe for a woman as I am now. Her heat and her need flow through me and I can feel what she feels. It's the most incredible thing I've ever known. And I need more. I pull her legs up over my shoulders and pump even harder. She cries out, and my mental self disperses into a cloud of pleasure that invades the fabric of her very being.

I love this.

Her real hands reach out to grab at my chest, but it's slick with sweat. They slide down and the extra contact makes me gasp inside. Now she's invading me. It's like being lathered in cream when her mind wraps around my mental image. She circles around me, making sure I feel every little sensation she could possibly give me.

Mine.

We both say it. We both know it to be the truth at the very cores of our being. This bond is unbreakable. Sealed so that nothing can wedge it apart. We've melted into each other permanently and we'll never be the same. I happily let her claim me. My soul is hers. Not even death could…

Our bodies can't take it any longer. She begins to shake and it activates me. I release into her and it's the most incredible moment of my life. We share every single thought and memory for a few agonizing breaths. Inactive parts of my brain wake up and absorb her every experience. I could never let her go so I'm saving her inside me. I can feel that she does the same.

When we're both spent, our skin tingles. As my body disengages from hers, my mind slowly withdraws into my own head. Our wispy images touch fingertips as we part, pleasure radiating from our cores. That was beyond sex. It was intimacy on a higher plane of existence. If we ascended now, we'd become one being.

I'm numb. So much happened in those few hours that we made love. It felt like hours, at least. I don't think I'll be able to process Vala's entire being downloaded into my mind in one instance. Sleep. Sleep is what I need. It will help me sort through this beautiful woman. How could I have ever existed without her? She's the missing link that makes me whole.

It's been 6 days, 23 hours, and 10 minutes since my Vala came back. Nothing could rip me away from her now – not even death.

000

**Epilogue**

_Six years later_

_ I'm dreaming. The sky turns dark and it begins to rain. It smells of mold and mildew. Unclean. I'm outside on some plain. The grass is tall, up to my knees. I'm wading through it like I would wade through a pool of water. Thunder cracks and lightning splits open the sky. I flinch. Those bolts are painful; I should know. I look down and see that my hands have turned black with grime. Not even the rain can wash away the dirt._

_ I don't recognize my body. It's frail, older, thinner. It's weak. I feel as though my skin is melting off of my bones and I'm helpless to stop it._

_ I'm struggling to make it through this endless field. It seems to stretch on forever in every direction. It's emptiness manifested. I don't know which direction to go. As I turn to survey my surroundings, I stop because a feeling tells me to. I listen. There's nothing else but the rain and thunder. I listen harder. Harder._

_ Silence. The rain is still pouring but its familiar pitter-patter has ceased. I look and catch a glimpse of a cloak behind me._

_ Run._

_ I tell my legs to move. They refuse. The cloak looms larger as it approaches._

_ Run._

_ I beg my legs to move. They finally obey but they don't seem to move fast enough. Blades of grass whizz by me. More cloaks appear to join the first one. The men beneath the cloaks are invisible. And they're matching my speed._

_ Run._

_ I stumble and fall. The cloaks surround me now. One of them moves closer and extends a limb in my direction. The hand that suddenly protrudes from it is covered in sickly yellow fur. It draws closer to my face. It will bring pain. It will bring pain. It will bring pain._

"Run!"

I bolt upright in bed. Vala yells in surprise and sits up behind me. Her hands reach around to my bare chest, feeling my heart trying to break free from its cage. She soothes me with feelings of calm through our mental connection. My legs are sticking to the sheets so I rip them off, exposing us both to the cool air in our room. I take in ragged breaths as I hold my hand to my head, unsure of this dream's meaning. All I know is that it's significant. I can't ignore these images any longer.

The window is open and a light breeze is flowing in softly. A draft of gentle wind hits my cheek and it triggers another image. _I'm looking up and tasting freedom, but I haven't gotten it yet. Suffering is all I've known for months._

Vala chokes. Her hands stop their soft touches along my chest. She saw the image, too. With only the pale moonlight to help us see, we lock eyes. Neither of us understands these flashes. I try to unravel the meaning but I can't. Lately, the nightmares have been so intense. It's as if they're being triggered by something inside. Like a warning.

Time.

_The three year mark passed, and passed again._ _A total of six years. I had not seen her in six years when they came._ I shake my head. Vala was never gone that long. At most, it was a few months. But that's not how it feels in the memory. The memory of what could have been…

"They're coming," one of us says. I don't know which of us speaks or who we're talking about. The feeling of dread I possess over this short statement makes my hairs stand on end. Something is going to happen. And we are not prepared.


End file.
